So You Think You Can Dance
More Auditions Around the Country

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Booty Fall

Chad Agnor is a big guy with a Mohawk and cross tattoo on the back of his head. He teaches full-contact fighting, as well as ballroom dancing, country-western line dancing and hip-hop. People pay money to get taught how to line dance? Why not just light your money on fire? Or send it to me. Here's what you do: Step 1: watch people line dancing for 10 seconds. Step 2: Join in. That's it. It's all about dancing the same as everybody else, because doing your own thing is frowned upon, and also possibly gay.

Unfortunately, Chad injures himself warming up, ripping a hamstring. "I'm not going to keep a torn hamstring to keep me from my dream."

He limps to the microphone. Nigel says if he pulled a hamstring, that's a very serious injury. Chad thinks positive thinking can repair torn muscle tissue, and isn't going to miss out on his dream. Earlier he had said he only found out about the auditions at two o'clock that morning, so it's been his dream for, what, almost half a day? Nigel strongly warns him against doing it, but Chad won't be dissuaded. "What I can do is still going to wow you guys, regardless of my pulled hamstring," is what he says. Only it's not spectacular. It's quite pedestrian country dancing, and Nigel finally pulls the plug on it, calls it slightly Michael Flatley, and notes the pain on Chad's face. Mary a little harsher; she says she's not even sure he would have made it with a fully functioning hamstring. Chad calls it his last chance, but the judges remind him he can try next year, as he'll still be thirty then. And then after that, he can just lie like Brian Davidson.

Paige Jones shows us her apartment, filled entirely with pink garbage and glittery things that say "princess" and non-ironic signs like Barbie Blvd. hanging on the wall. I'm guessing that the way some people find The Terry Fox Story inspirational, that's how Paige feels about Legally Blonde. She's a full time student in business school. She also does pageants, which didn't exactly knock the wind out of me. But don't make the mistake of thinking pageants are all about looks! To win a pageant, the interview is most important, she says. To her credit, she probably actually believes that shit is true.

Dancing-wise, she's -- well, athletic. Smile pasted on. "Do you and Mary Murphy use the same dentist?" asks Nigel, who also calls her "cutie apple-pie" and says her routine was a little bit "dance-schooly." He likes her, though: "You've got something there." Mary says she needs to be "developed" more. I'm surprised Nigel didn't express admiration for how well developed she is. Adam tells her to throw away everything she thinks she knows about dancing. They put her through to choreography.

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So You Think You Can Dance

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