Lady Gaga time! She's doing "Edge of Glory" and "You and I." It's an enormous crazy production, because that's how it's done. There are about twenty dancers out there. [Including Mark! -- Angel] I don't know if she's lip-syncing, because there's so much fog and artsy spotlights that I can't see her face that well. I think she isn't, if only because it's not the exact same vocal track as on the single. When "Edge of Glory" is about half over, it goes into a song I don't know. I guess it's "You and I." This song, I don't like as much. I think the mix is wonky, since the drums are about three times as loud as the vocals. Gaga whips her expensive green wig around pretty aggressively, but it doesn't come off.
Time for cuts. Nigel says that everyone's great, which somehow helped them become unanimous. I can only assume that means they realized that everyone's going to be on the tour and either Sasha or Melanie will inevitably win, so this round of cuts doesn't really matter. He thanks America for voting and says that they're just going to go with the voting results for the girls. He cuts Jordan. She nods cheerfully and gives Cat a hug. She seems to be in a pretty good mood about the whole thing, even aside from the part where she gets to hug Cat Deeley. Because I am a kind, generous person, I'm not going to count her leg extensions in her final video package.
Time for the guys. Nigel tells Jess that he's "an absolutely sensational character" and Tadd that he's unique. Jess is out, and he immediately applauds Tadd. Then they share a hug that may or may not have had some kissing in it. He really did have some of my favorite dances this year, you know.
The surviving dancers mob Jess and Jordan and we're out. Next week: Unknown all-stars, I guess. Unless we're done with them and the top six just dance with each other in various permutations. If it means another Sasha-Melanie number, I'm up for it.
Follow Monty on Twitter: @montykins. Come on, do it! And consider going to Mysterious Exhortations, where Monty talks about things he actually likes. You can email Monty at email@example.com if that's your idea of a good time.