Cat tells us that more than six and a half million votes were cast after last night's show, and it's the votes that are deciding who's eliminated, and not the judges' insane ramblings, although those might not have been her exact words.
"The Moment I Said It" by Imogen Heap is the number for the group dance. I…is that Prince? No, I guess that's not likely. Synchronized dancing in pairs, with leaps and twirls. The men jump off the stage, the women follow, and they all do sort of freaky moves using the edge of the stage of myself. Danny is the one who looks like Prince, and he gets a starring role. He's shirtless with a black "X" taped over where his heart would be. If someone had tried to describe this to me (and even done a better job than I'm capable of) I would have assumed I would hate it. And yet, I really enjoyed it. Such is the mystery of the dance! And as far from the Evanescence-as-ballet routine (choreographed by Mia Michaels) is Cat, who strolls out looking like Titania, Queen of the Fairies. She wants to know if the voters listened to the panel of "experts" -- cough -- when they voted.
Mia apologizes because she apparently wore a jacket with an upside-down emblem that offended Marines, and she falls all over herself apologizing. I have no difficulty at all believing that a dingbat hippie dance choreographer had no idea the chevrons were upside-down. I'm positive her mullet more egregiously offends more people. No, it's absolutely atrocious that she would wear something clearly intentionally mocking the troops fighting in countries where women don't even have the freedom to wear whatever the want, if you can believe that. But wait! There's more controversy! Apparently, Wade Robson's anti-war dance routine ruffled a few feathers. "I don't know anyone who's pro-war," says Nigel, rather reasonably, who seems a little surprised that he has to defend a routine in which dancers used words like love and unity. He's clearly been forced to apologize. He says they had no intention of offending anybody, and says he was bored by the routine the fifth time he saw it last night. Not like he said so last night, did he? Nigel patiently explains to whomever needs it explained that being "anti-war" does not, in fact, mean "hoping American troops die." This is so, so awesome. A dance show garners some sort of lame-ass "controversy" -- that's so not real that I have a really hard time finding anything at all written about it -- over a bunch of perky dancers flashing peace signs (an even-more-ineffective-than-usual war protest) that the show's producer is forced to apologize. "Art should be allowed to make statements," offers Nigel, somewhat futilely. Can we get a shot of Wade Robson? How does he feel about being thrown under the bus like this? Tellingly, Wade's not there. Nigel says Wade never intended to offend anyone, and he apologizes on Wade's behalf. I'm not sure I buy that. With the way Nigel and Mia are bending over backwards here, I'm sure Wade could have been there if he wanted. I can't believe I'm now defending the ridiculous dance routine, so I will say this: anyone who was at all actually offended by the admirable sentiments behind what that stupid routine stood for? Needs to be offended a fuck of a lot more often. Come to think of it, anyone who was offended by that probably does get offended by an awful lot. Gee, what network could this POSSIBLY be on?