Okay, who's next? Oh, Russell and Noelle! They have Tyce for a contemporary routine. Tyce wants Russell to use his face to paint Noelle's chest. Whatever you say, man. They're dancing to Diana Krall's "A Case of You". It's proper contemporary, which means that they're dressed in white and Noelle has a baggy shirt. Russell is all flippy-flippy and Noelle is all floppy-floppy. Adam calls the dancers gorgeous and refers to the "asymmetrical chaos". That's how you talk after a contemporary piece. Mary calls it "out of this world" and Nigel pervs it up about that "paint your face across her chest" line. He also claims to have forgotten that Russell's a street dancer, which I don't believe. I mean, considering that Nigel brings it up every single time he talks about Russell.
Ashleigh and Jakob have a cha-cha, courtesy of Jean-Marc Generoux and France. She's billed as "France Generoux" in the captions, but Cat just calls her "France!" So I've decided to split the difference. This time, she's just France. Aaand that's all the time I'm going to devote to her. The music is "Cha Cha Heels (Ralphi Rosario Radio Edit)" by Rosabel feat. Jeanie Tracy. I'd like to introduce a rule that Mary Murphy isn't allowed to use technical dance lingo to criticize anything danced to a Radio Edit. And the "feat." in the artist credit is also a no-go. Anyway, there's a lot of awesome precise dancing and grinding. Although I'd believe them if they claimed this was a disco number. Jakob is dancing with a lot of swagger. Is this a dance where swagger is appropriate? Let's find out! Adam: "Jakob, how did it feel visiting Planet Ashleigh?" He also complains about the "hungry jazz look" that you get in ballroom. It kind of degenerates into Adam Shankman mocking ballroom tropes, and that's a lot of fun. Mary praises Ashleigh's legs, and we get a shot that highlight the legs of Ashleigh, Jakob, and even Cat. Nigel takes a mild swipe at all the "concept routines" we've been seeing, saying "I so love Dancing With the Stars and just seeing dancing." Huh. I was convinced that it was Nigel who was pushing for all these gimmicky dances. Ashleigh and Jakob go with this season's hand gesture (a heart made out of thumbs and forefingers, with the other six fingers held up) for their phone number.
Well, that was a pretty good show! I have a feeling that Mollee and Nathan might land in the bottom again, and that Kathryn and Victor will get cut instead.
Monty has seen Hellzapoppin' all the way through twice. Do not attempt this at home. You can email Monty at firstname.lastname@example.org if that's your idea of a good time.