Evan and Randi are up next. Randi says she's pursuing a career in elementary education. Evan says he thinks she'd be a good teacher. As for him, he'd probably have to own some sort of custom car shop. Randi can't believe that, despite telling us last week about what a gearhead Evan is, so whatever, Randi.
They're doing a Mia Michaels contemporary routine. Oh, god. "It's all about the booty," says Mia Michaels. I SWEAR TO GOD SHE SAID THAT. So I don't know how much rehearsal antics I can take from Mia, so let's go straight to the performance. Oh, except Mia says Randi is like a poodle: "Sexy, sassy and sophisticated." Yes, when I see a poodle, I think sexy.
Anyway, they're dancing to "Koop Island Blues." And, yeah, when the routine is advertised as Evan being hypnotized by Randi's butt, that's pretty much what we get. Evan staring at Randi's ass, bobbing his head in time with her shaking it, somersaulting to keep up with her so he can keep staring at it. In between, there are some slow, languid caresses, and some loose-limbed arm shaking it. And then he spanks her, and then she lifts her leg over his head. Then they flit about all ragdoll on the stage, and it ends with him grabbing her ass. Yeah, what? Actually, for all that, it was a pretty good dance.
Cat calls it cheeky. Nigel calls it very simple choreography from Mia, but they danced it beautifully. If you're new to the show, you should know that you're not allowed to criticize Mia, or else she'll cut you. And he says "but -- and there is a but" a couple of times, and as annoying as a joke as that is, the least Mary could do is let him make it on his own and not step all over it. He says there was no story behind the dance, no doorway, no father in heaven. I guess Mia should have made up some story about her late father being hypnotized by her mom's ass or something. And then of course this gives Nigel license to talk about Randi's ass, and this is something that will be remembered, and blah blah blah. "These little things add to what this show is all about," he says. Oh, god, enough with the Mia Michaels tongue bath. Yes, she's America's greatest hero, Nigel.
Nigel mentioned the south of France in his comments, so then Mary has to talk some nonsense in a terrible French accent. Anyway, she loved it. And she screams things, and among the things that annoy me about Mary is the way she often screams "yes I do!" or "yes we did!" or "no, I wasn't!" after she says something, like, "We went down that path! Yes we did!"