Welcome to the finale! Well, if you don't count tomorrow's results show. We start with a brief recap of the season, which features a lot of injuries and mean things said by the judges. But it all comes down to this: Kent vs. Lauren! Oh, and Robert!
That's the order they come out, too. But because Cat is a nice person, she gives Robert a little trill so it comes out "RRrrrrobert!" You know, to give him a little juice. All I'm saying is that I don't think he's going to win.
We only have three judges this time. I kind of like having guest judges only some of the time, because it makes it feel more special. Except when it's Tyce. Anyway, we have plenty of time to think about judges and how much we'd like Mia to go back to choreographing because we're being subjected to another video package. This one recaps the auditions, which are mostly awful. Hey, there's Mary Murphy! See what you've done, Mia? I actually miss Mary Murphy at this point. Nice going. Oh, and I see the show is still proud of that nonsense where the judges went to contestants' houses. There's that awesome hip hop dance Alex did, followed immediately by his injury. And a bunch of other dances, all of which have been pretty much robbed of any meaning by being divorced from their original context and music.
Dance time! Kent gets Lauren Gottlieb and is doing Bollywood. Boy, there's a lot of Bollywood this season. Kent says "Vote for me, America, because I don't know what I'm doin'." Apparently he's been directed to plaster a cheesy smile on his face, which seems like taunting the judges. He does his thing in what appears to be a silver lamé Zoot suit, although I suspect it's actually just something that's knee-length and Indian. You know, for all the talk about how traditional the hand gestures are supposed to be, Bollywood always seems to get this giant techno dance music. Nigel enjoyed it. Mia thinks it was perfectly tailored for Kent. Adam has a strained reference to the Energizer bunny. Timely!
Apparently, Lauren G. runs into a post or something while getting offstage. So if you hate her, you can be happy about that.
Lauren will now be doing a hip hop routine with Twitch. And what do you think is the theme of this routine? Well, what if I were to tell you that it's by Napoleon and Tabitha? Okay, I'll just tell you: it's a Presidential Debate routine. That's possibly the least street thing ever. Also, it's a couple of years out of date. And since it's a black guy and a blond woman, it's really more of a Democratic Nomination Debate. Although at one point they both throw up Nixon-style "V for Victory" signs, so who knows. This routine is dumb. They try to sell it as best as they can, but ... come on. Nigel insists that Tabitha and Napoleon inspire people to dance. Then he tries for a bit of political commentary, saying "I just hope Sarah Palin doesn't pick this one up." One person laughs. And I think it's Cat. After that, there's a black hole of silence. Ouch! Nigel brings it back to the dancing, praising Lauren's strength. Incidentally, Twitch is covered in sweat again and Lauren has her arm around him. That's for people that were Zaprudering that other time. Mia says that Lauren's filthy, praises Napoleon and Tabitha, and says "For real. Like, for real for real." Adam says Lauren is one of his favorite girls the show has ever had.
Robert will be dancing with Mark. To be honest, I've always found Mark a little too zany. But I think he'll make a good fit with Robert. And they're doing a jazz number by Tyce, which seems like it could actually work. Hmm. It's "Whip It" by Devo. And I think they're wearing the same jacket as Lorne from Angel. This seems like a very Mark routine. It's kind of like having two Marks out there, at least a little. Nigel points out that this isn't anything like a normal Tyce routine, and Tyce mouths "Thank you." Nigel also comes out with the odd admission that he "really doesn't mind" which one wins. Mia thinks Robert and Mark look like they should be on tour with Adam Ant, but she's wrong. They'd need a lot more ruffles and face paint. Adam thinks this piece worked well because of the All-Star gimmick, since dancers who are no longer on the show dance better now that they're not competing. Then he mocks himself for not being able to come up with the technical name for a particular jump.
Cat interviews Kent about his journey. Remember when he talked about dancing next to "Alex Freakin' Wong"? That was fun. How about the times judges complained about his face? That was tiring. Okay, so now Kent has his solo, which goes like this: run forward, spin around, run sideways, turn around, kick, flip over, spin, run, jump, spin, step, pose, wave hand, run around, touch stage, roll around, pose. I liked how much of the stage he used there.
Kent will now be dancing with regular non-All-Star Lauren in a Dee Caspary contemporary routine. Or so says Cat, since it's clearly Robert, not Kent. I may have had a little trouble telling Robert apart from Mark, but I can tell him from Kent quite well. There's a pillow involved, and Lauren tells us that it's drenched in her sweat. Ew. The dance is very pretty, and the pillow is used in a lot of interesting ways. I like this routine a lot, especially the spot where Lauren throws the pillow into Robert's arms and then jumps after it. I think the storyline is actually about Robert trying to steal Lauren's pillow. Nigel liked that pillow-throw-catch thing too. I think it might have been inspired by the NBA dunk contest. Then Nigel talks so much about Robert and Lauren's strength that it gets kind of creepy. Mia says that this was Robert's most delicious performance and then calls him a "whole 'nother thing". Can we get a judge who speaks English? She also calls herself "a proud Mama Mia," which I think reveals a basic misunderstanding of how she comes off. Adam liked that it was a routine about how tired the contestants must be at this point and then calls them magnificent.
Okay, now Kent is with Lauren. It's a Mandy Moore jazz routine, in which Lauren says they'll be portraying themselves. Kent allegedly tries to kiss Lauren several times. The song is "Hip to be Square", which I have to say is perfect for these two. I mean, I like them, but Kent's obviously a bit of a doofus, personality-wise. It's just two white-bread teens dancing to a clean, middle-America rock song. For some reason, Lauren's done dancing about ten seconds before Kent. After the dance, Cat reveals that Lauren accidentally gave Kent a black eye during rehearsal. Lauren apologizes. Nigel didn't think playing geeks challenged either of them enough. He says "You kept the characters well and you did what was asked of you" and it sounds like a death sentence. But let's face it, when you're an actual dancer, that's 90% of the job. I heard somewhere that the dancer isn't the artist; they're just the brush the choreographer uses. Does that sound familiar, Nigel? Mia prefaces her statement by saying that she'll probably go down in flames. She admits that it was fun and says that she liked the quirkiness and that they danced it well. In fact, she says, they killed it. "Did I like it? No. It's just not my cup of tea. But you did it awesome." That's fair. Cat agrees that it's a fair critique. Adam goes with "I love you guys. Get outta here!" Man, I'd love a reaction shot of Mandy Moore here. I bet she's steaming. Cat goes to Lauren and Kent for comments, and Lauren says it was fun embracing her inner geek. Kent goes more in-depth, saying that Mandy wanted them to have fun and show what they are and that she did a great ob with that. Lauren gives Mandy a thumbs-up, and now we get a reaction shot in which Mandy looks thankful. Then Kent insists that it was super-fun and comes off a bit like Nathan Trasoras did that time he thought he was HAWT.
Cat catches up with Robert, who says he was shocked every time he wasn't in the bottom three. His favorite routine was that Travis Wall dance with Allison. He complains (in a nice way) about all those