In lieu of a group routine, the performance finale episode begins with a montage of the final four: Tiffany! Chehon! Eliana! Cyrus! They all want to win! I actually can't imagine there will be any suspense as to who does. Eliana's had the women's title sewn up for weeks, and at this point, given Cyrus's teflon status and Chehon's occasional dips into the Bottom 3, I think the men's title is pretty well decided too. There's the possibility that Chehon is peaking at the right time, sure, but I wouldn't put money on it. Still, let's play this string out.

Cat makes introductions -- including guest jidge Ron Marshall, who is always such a snooze -- and says that each finalist will perform five (5!) (!!) routines tonight. I'm assuming one with each of the other finalists, one with an all-star, and one group routine. Cat does not mention, however, whether last week's vote totals will be added to this week's in order to decide the winner. Otherwise what were last week's votes for?

Cyrus and Eliana: Paso Doble (Jason Gilkison)
In a role reversal of the usual paradigm where the guy is the matador and the girl is the cape, here Cyrus has to be the cape. Which seemed like an unnecessary twist when Jason first proposed it, until they get on stage and you realize why: so the matador (Eliana) can do all the actual dancing, while the cape (Cyrus) can just stand there and not have to reveal its lack of technique. Look... I know it's not Cyrus's fault. To go from zero training to the point where he could pull off a paso doble on the level of the other dancers is pretty much an impossible task. I get why Nigel has been handing him "A for effort" grades all season -- what else is he going to do? He'd be an asshole to cast him in the Top 20 and then crap on him for not doing the impossible. But if he's going to be on the show at all, he has to be at least ASKED to dance the same as the others. He has to perform even if it risks showing him up. As it stands now, he's been protected, in other routines to some degree but in this routine to a degree that is kind of insulting, both to the other dancers and to the viewers at home. Cyrus poses, he shuffles, he lifts, he does one cartwheel and a couple ugly-looking jumps and that is IT. It's shameless. And it robbed me from watching Eliana because I was so shocked by how little Cyrus was asked to move.

Afterwards, Nigel asks Cyrus, "Did you ever think you would make it this far?" and then yuks it up about the "big black dress" costume he's wearing. Oh, cram it, Nigel. Mary says something about skinny dipping with snapping turtles, then brushes past the ugly cartwheel and leaps (so ... WHAT ELSE was there, Mary) to say she loved Cyrus. She also loved Eliana, who was "on fire." Rob loves how Eliana will throw technique away in order to serve the dance, "and Cyrus, you too," which is funny because: what technique?

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