Nobody went home last week, so TWO (i.e. one-third of the remaining contestants) will go home this week. Pressure's on, my dancing babies! Miracle of miracles, all six dancers emerge for the opening roll call, meaning all the remaining dancers are healthy for the first time in a MONTH. Billy has a knee brace, but he appears good to go. Cat delivers this news to the crowd and basks in their approval. She also tells us that each dancer will be dancing thrice tonight, just in case I thought I was getting off easy. Finally, we once again have a fourth judge -- one who will hopefully add a bit more substance than Kenny Ortega did last week. And I expect she will because it's my beloved Toni Redpath! Looking gorgeous as ever.
Kent is up first, and he pulls cha-cha with Anya. Choreographers Jean-Marc Genereaux and Frahhhhhnce note that this is Kent's second cha-cha of the season, and since his first one was so well-received, a lot more will be expected of him. As is the case with Kent and ballroom, the dominant narrative is whether Kent will be able to successfully "seduce" Anya, which is laughable, but we're in the business of illusions here, people. The concept of the dance is that Anya is Kent's horny schoolteacher while Kent is a student who's been caught making out with a girl. In this case, it's a girl they placed in the audience. You know, maybe stop dinging Kent for playing to the audience when you ask him to start off a routine that way.
The routine is set to that awful song by 3OH!3 and Ke$ha, and if you have to ask what song that is, I refer you to the bullshit punctuation I just had to type and say that you really don't need to know. The dance itself is sharp if quite slow, and I'm not sure if that's in the choreo or in Kent's performance. But cha-cha's supposed to be faster than this, I think. There's also one fairly disastrous moment of fake making-out in the middle of the routine where it looked like Kent snapped Anya's neck and them proceeded to kiss her lifeless corpse a few times. Not sexy, it should go without saying. Nigel gives a content-free soundbite about how Kent's dancing like a man now. Toni -- who thought this was better than his first cha-cha -- actually has some valuable insight, noting that Kent's attempts to appear macho sacrificed his posture. "You don't need to do that," she says. "This show has matured you. You can trust that you're man enough." Love her. Mia's one note is that the routine felt "crunchy" (Cat makes her explain that this means "choppy"), and also that he's still pulling faces. Kent ill-advisedly sticks up for himself with a rehearsed-sounding spiel about how he's trying but "it's who I am" and, you know, he'll try to suppress the very essence of Kent if that's what they really want, blah blah. Subtract a few points from Kent for that. Mia stands by her comment and says he needs to be more of a chameleon. Adam says it was great, though he needs more length and to breathe/relax more.