Nigel loved it, and inanely says Lauren should be in the Olympics next year for running. He also says he's never thought Lauren's reached her potential until tonight. I love this -- the judges are so over-the-top with their praise every week, showering superlatives on the dancers, and then, like Nigel's doing here, pretends that Lauren has been disappointing up until now. Mary -- okay, that's it. From now on, I refuse to recap anything Mary says when her comments include the shriek. She is insane. I do not understand the words that are coming out of her mouth. I wonder if she has stock in a company that owns the rights to the phrase "hot tamale train" and she desperately wants it to become the "Is that your final answer?" of 2007. Debbie Allen calls it "passion and perfection personified," and then unintentionally shits all over the importance of Emmy awards to television performers by saying the routine's good enough for an Oscar.
Pasha is dancing a solo routine to -- hee! -- "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler, with Lacey again, and I -- oh, hold on, that's an actual mannequin, with a dress on. I think he is missing the woman who misses the dress, or he laments the accident that severed his lover's head and arms. Also possibly confounding him: someone has stolen the shirt he would normally be wearing under that jacket.
Final couple: Neil and Sabra, dancing jazz and paso doble. The jazz is being choreographed by choreographer Mandy Moore, who is a choreographer, not a singer/actress. Choreographer Mandy Moore's routine is going to be about an '80s jazz power lunch. So: hostile takeovers with leg warmers? They will pound a table and arm-wrestle. Neil says the only thing he remembers from the '80s is The Karate Kid -- sure, he "remembers" that; it came out three years before he was born -- and he's going to be "waxing Sabra" in their negotiations. During lunch? Gross.
"Sweet Dreams" by the Eurythmics. As promised, Sabra and Neil pound their fists and arm-wrestle across a table, then Neil flips her up on to the table, and then karate-chops her in the back of the knees, so she falls down, and he catches her and sets her down on the table. Gripping the sides of the table, he slowly lifts himself up and over. Cool. They almost shake hands under the table, and then break apart for some solo pirouetting. Off on the side, some kid is yelling, "Get 'im a body bag! YEAAAAAAAHHHHH!"
Nigel expresses concern that the finale's going to suffer in comparison because the choreography this week is just so incredible. I predict that next week Nigel will not be saying, "Well, this finale is a big letdown." He says Sabra dances from the heart every time. Mary calls it "so much fun" to see them play the roles, adding they were both equally terrific. She singles out Sabra for special praise: "Honey, all I can say is that's how I like it. I like it like that." She's thrilled to see Neil "roll like that" and she just adores Sabra, and can't wait to see her dance again, or for her to do her solo. Someone please wake Debbie Allen up, all right?