Robert and Kathryn will be living dolls in a Sean Cheesman dance number. They start in the pink boxes characteristic of a popular Mattel doll. The doll element is largely represented by some stiff legs and cheesy smiles. I will be honest with you: it's not as good as Toy Story 3. It feels awkward and weird and I don't like it at all. Nigel, however, loved it. He claims to have gone online to see what people said about Robert (hi, Nigel! If you're still curious, I think the reason Robert was in the bottom three is that he's kind of boring next to the other dancers) and asserts that people just make things up on the Internet. I'm shocked to hear that kind of accusation coming from the winner of the 1837 All-Prussia Topiary Competition. Apparently people think Robert is arrogant. Yeah, don't you hate when people just invent the idea that someone's arrogant, Nigel? Let's go ask Danny about that. (Bam!) Mia thinks Robert danced that number so well it was as if it was tailored for him. Yeah. As if. Adam also showers Robert with praise, breaking out the rarely seen "1000%".
Now that the dancing-with-all-stars segment is out of the way, the competitors will be dancing with each other. And since we're running out of ladies, Adechiké is supposed to be dancing Bollywood with Alex. But Alex is hurt, so this number (by Nakul Dev Mahajan, of course) will probably not come off exactly as planned. It's fast and has a lot of tricky hand positions that no one will pay any attention to once they're dancing. Alex's place is taken by Nakul's assistant, whose name I'm not sure how to spell. I don't know anything about Bollywood (and neither do you, so shut it) but the assistant seems a whole lot crisper than Adechiké. He seems to be enjoying himself, though. And he takes his shirt off, which should be good for a few votes. Nigel complains that Adechiké put too much of his personality into the dance. I did notice he smiled a lot, but I'm not sure that's what Nigel's talking about. Nigel says that he "learned from the producers" that Alex and Adechiké were great together. I though Nigel was the producers! Cat asks Mia about the time Jose did Bollywood and everyone loved the way he put his own twist on it. Mia's excuse that Jose "has this heart thing that he just grabs everybody" draws boos from the crowd, which draws an "Ew!" from Mia. Mia's not a debater, people. She feels things at you and then you just have to deal with that. She thinks the dance was a little too African and flaily and tries to blame the assistant for not being Alex. Yes, I'm sure the reason that Bollywood number wasn't great was the presence of the professional Bollywood dancer. Adam goes with some much-needed specific critique and says that Adechiké needed more finish to his lines. Nigel tells Adechiké they're just trying to help, even if he doesn't feel that they are. Adechiké hasn't said a single word here, so I think this is Nigel reacting to the audience and even Cat rather than Adechiké himself. Don't you hate when people just make things up and project them onto dancers?
Now it's time for Lauren and Kent to be charmingly All-American all over your ass. Can you handle it? They've got Travis, but I wish the show would let Sonya loose on them. Let's muddy these kids up a little, you know? It's about prom, which is just about what you'd expect. I don't think anyone's having a bucket of blood dumped on them here. It's very pretty and well-danced. You know, if that's the sort of thing you're into. You're still thinking about Alex, aren't you? Nigel loves Kent, Lauren, and Travis. Well, he loves Travis as a "contemporary choreographer", which might still be a dig at him for that insufficiently jazzy number a couple of weeks ago. Mia calls Lauren the Perfect Female Dancer. That reminds me of the Perfect Female Robot episode of Home Movies. Nigel thought the dance was too intimate for him and actually got a little weirded out by Kent and Lauren getting sensual at each other like that.
Ashley and Robert have Jean-Marc, France, and the Quickstep. This is going to be the one time per episode when I miss Mary Murphy. Hey, remember that time they claimed she was going to be choreographing a few times this season? The dance has a cane and a cool chair, but they rapidly leave it in favor of quickstepping around to some neo-Swing. I hate that whole "What power? The power of voodoo! Who do? You do!" riff. I hated it in The Bachelor and the Bobby-Soxer, I hated it in Labyrinth, and I hate it here. Nigel talks about how awful the quickstep is, then talks about close-hold and that sort of thing. The hydraulic system of a quickstep, you may be interested to know, is like a motorcar. Does that help any? He also criticizes Robert's "body shape", and I'm not sure Nigel has any room to complain about someone else's body shape. I may be misunderstanding the phrase. Mia didn't much like the music's harshness. Adam thought the music would be better for a jive but liked how Robert and Ashley relied on each other to get through it.
Our last dance will feature Jose and Billy doing a Cheesman number. Jose is a hunter and Billy is a jaguar. It's an interesting stylistic fit that lets both dancers pull off some of their particular moves while still staying true to the style and being all growly at each other. It worked better than I thought it was going to. Nigel thinks it's weird that Billy's been a cat twice tonight, although I'm not sure which one of them was supposed to be Macavity earlier. Then he rambles on for awhile before coming up with his point, which is that neither dancer was powerful enough tonight. Mia loved Billy, no matter what animal he was supposed to be. He explains that it was a lizard-cat. Like in Avatar? She felt this was Jose's weakest performance, and she means "weak" literally. Adam goes for next-level advice to Billy, telling him that sometimes he needs to let go of his lines.
So ... I think the bottom three will be Alex (automatically), Robert, and Ashley. The judges will wring their hands about why people don't like Robert and end up sending him home just so they don't stick themselves with only one girl left. And we'll spend the whole time wondering if Alex is okay. We go out on a charmingly dorky dance dedicated to Alex. See you tomorrow!