Sasha and Melanie: Jazz (Sonya Tayeh)
Okay, fine, in lieu of Melanie and Jess, I SUPPOSE I will settle for the two best dancers this season teaming up. They're both mohawked out for some classic Sonya choreography. Like it's the scariest exercise video ever, with crab-walking and kickboxing. It's a battle but with unexpected moments of teamwork, and it ends with these twin mannequin poses, and because it's Melanie and Sasha, you know the dancing is just the greatest. The crowd goes BUGNUTS -- Ellen, Twitch, everyone. Gaga throws her giant platform projectile at the stage, because that's apparently what you do? She calls it the performance of the evening (duh) and then calls it the future of dance (THAT's more like it, hyperbole-wise). Rob gives love to Sonya, and Mary calls it the best Sonya number ever. Nigel works the long way around for a rather dumb "Sasha Fierce" joke. He can't decide which of these two women is truly his favorite, and while he dithers about that one, Gaga (safely) throws her other shoe to Sonya. This show is so goddamned weird.
RUNDOWN! In order of my personal preference...
Sasha and Melanie's jazz
Marko and Allison's contemporary
Melanie and Neil's contemporary
Sasha and Pasha's quickstep
Marko and Ricky's hip-hop
Tadd and Lauren's jazz
Caitlynn and Ivan's hip-hop
Jess and Lauren's hip-hop
Caitlynn and Tadd's foxtrot
Ricky and Anya's jive
Jordan and Ade's jazz
Jordan and Jess's rumba
TOMORROW: Gaga performs, and if I'm a betting man, I'm saying Ricky and Caitlynn will be going home (though, after tonight, maybe it should be Jordan and Jess?).
Joe R regrets not making a "Born This Way" joke about Rob Marshall's orange skin tone at the beginning of this recap. Questions, comments, and unadulterated love can be sent to him at email@example.com.