Chelsea dances for her life first to Moloko, doing spins and splits. She's a firecracker, Cat informs us: "She's like, 'yeah, bring it on!'" Thayne dances a contemporary piece to Gavin DeGraw and does jetés and backflips over the entire stage. You lost points for using new country! Susie dances to something by someone named Pitbull. It's a lot of not super-impressive stepping and cheerleading moves. On the plus side, it appears someone has disabused her of her more-is-more makeup philosophy. Marquis dances to OneRepublic, whatever that is, a contemporary routine with pirouettes and leaps. It doesn't look as effortless as Thayne's did to me.

After a commercial break, Comfort dances to the incomparable Afrika Bambaataa with wavy arms and popping. It's not great. She does it well, but it seemed like repeated herself an awful lot in just thirty seconds. Chris dances a contemporary routine to John Legend, which if anything makes Chris seem even whiter. Are his lines good? I don't know. I'm going to say his lines are good. Very un-treelike. Cat snags some pro-Chris propaganda from the audience, a sign that says "Chris is not a" and then there is an arrow pointing to a tree. This sign is very accurate, technically speaking. Chris is not, in fact, a tree.

Then a threatened Flo Rida performance comes to pass. You know, I've been putting my damn hands in the air for, it must be twenty goddamn years now. You put your hands in the air. Lazy bastard. Now he goes into the crowd to make sure audience members' hands are properly aloft. Everything seems to be in order. This is his jam, he reminds us. And this is my fast-forward button!

Back from the commercial break, the judges are back in their seats, and the girls are up on stage. Nigel talks about watching the NBA Finals and says he watched Kobe Bryant lose and go around and congratulate each and every one of the Boston Celtics, which proves he's more than a good sportsman, but also a good man. This statement proves that Nigel knows very little about Kobe Bryant. His point is that you can fail, and still be successful. My point is YEAH CELTICS!