So You Think You Can Dance
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Nobody Beats The Wiz!
Into the results show! (Thanks to Lauren S for covering for a Canadian on his country's national holiday, which marks the day that, um, we invented beer or something.) Hey, wouldn't it be great if the opening number had something to do with Michael Jackson? What a great tribute it would be to dance to "Billie Jean" or even "Thriller," and ... oh, what? The Wiz? Why is this happening? I mean you don't have to recreate the zombie dance, because even Jennifer Garner can do that, but ... The Wiz? Why not just try to come up with a killer rat dance number for "Ben"?

Anyway, the dancers are all artfully posed within a huge frame, and the music informs us that the art gallery is now closed, which is I guess when the paintings all come to life and start pirouetting in skimpy feathered wear. There are lifts and spins and kicks and jetes and handclaps. Then the dnacers run through the picture frame, and they all shimmy and shake wave their arms and then jump back into the picture frame and the constant cuts by the camera are starting to give me a headache.

Cat comes out to welcome us all and to thank Tasty Oreo for the choreography, and then introduces the judges, featuring just as much Mia Michaels as last night, and then Cat gets right to it by bringing the first two couples out on stage. Karla and Vitolio did the quickstep. Nigel thought it was entertaining, Mary screamed, and Mia said Karla needs to keep her face as bright as her dress. Randi and Evan did a Broadway routine. Mary liked it, Nigel liked Randi but was disappointed in Evan, and Mia thought Randi was a little heavy.

Cat opens her envelope of doom, and Randi and Evan are safe, meaning Karla and Vitolio are in the bottom two. Nigel says it's sad that the competition means someone has to go home. Yes, it is unfortunate that that's what competition means.

Three more couples are on stage: Janette and Brandon did the cha-cha-cha, which Nigel called "possibly the best damn cha-cha" he has ever seen on this show, and had Mary screeching. They're safe, big surprise, and walk off the stage to hugs from Randi and Evan. Kayla and Kupono did a contemporary piece that the judges all loved. Meanwhile, Melissa and Ade did the classic Romeo and Juliet ballet routine that had the judges praising them, especially Melissa. To be fair, Melissa saw the debut performance of that ballet, so she had an advantage. The judges also spent as much time congratulating themselves for bestowing such a gift upon people who watch Fox. And it turns out Melissa and Ade are safe, while Kayla and Kupono are in the bottom three.

Mia's shocked, because she thought Kayla and Kupono were the best dancers last night. I'm shocked, because Mia appears to be wearing a smock like you wear when you get your hair cut so you don't get clippings all over your clothes.

After the commercial break, the final two couples are on stage. Caitlin and Jason have some supporters in the audience, holding up "Aliens for Caitlin," dressed in tinfoil hats. Cat asks Caitlin who those "reprobates" are, and we find out it's Caitlin's family.

The other couple on stage are Jeanine and Phillip, who did the chained hip-hop routine that the judges thought were really cool, and apparently Jeanine and Phillip are cohabitating now. Niiiiice. Meanwhile, Catilin and Jason danced that routine that made utterly no sense. An alien wants to mate with a human, so she destroys the human race except for one man, whom she then tries to impregnate? I'm guessing it was because everyone was so confused that they didn't know how to vote against the aliens, and it's Phillip and Jeanine who are in the bottom three.

Cat asks if Nigel's surprised, and Nigel shrugs and points out that everyone has different tastes, which is good, otherwise we'd all like the same food, etc. Sure, but then wouldn't that also mean that nothing would suck? Mary notes the irony of Phillip and Jeanine avoiding the bottom three while doing all styles of dance but their own, and then when Phillip gets hip-hop they're in the bottom three.

Poor Cat. She looks so tired! Must be because of the rigours of shooting two seasons at once. Bad idea! Who do you think you are, Back to the Future installments 2 and 3? Complexions Contemporary Ballet presents Patricia Hachey and Desmond Richardson dancing a routine. A man and a woman, the man dancing first. Muscular, strong like bull. I'm not a huge contemporary fan, but it's not difficult to see the leap in quality from one of the competitors on this show to someone who puts food on his table with his ability to do this. Same with the woman; when she gest going, the two of them might as well halves of the same person. Best move: The woman lifting her leg over her head, and the man spinning her around on her toe.

Another commercial break, and now we're into the solos. Karla's up first, dancing like a bird to -- what else -- the Dionne Farris cover of "Blackbird." Annoying! Boo! Then Vitolio somehow manages a more annoying musical choice: Rascall Flatts. I mean, seriously. His contemporary thirty seconds are all right, but especially after the professional routine we just saw, it seems like the same stuff we see all the time.

Kayla comes on to Sarah McLachlan, "Stupid," and appears to be waving her arms to clear all the music away from her ears. She's not going home. The judges love her too much. Kipone's next dancing to this world music version of "Somewhere Over The Rainbow." He seems tired too. His pirouettes don't seem complete somehow.

After the commercial break, Jeanine puts a little effort into her routine, dancing to "Moonlight Sonata." She's very strong. She does a tick-tock motion, and spins a lot. And then here comes Phillip, who thank GOD is something different. He contorts his arms so that it looks like they're being broken and rebroken. He does the thing where it looks like he twists his legs around like a rubber band and then lets it go. He dances to Santigold, which I thought was misspelled for the second night in a row, but turns out Santogold became Santigold a few months ago.

And then, in the words of Andy Stitzer, "Ah, Kelly Clarkson!" She comes out to sing a song, that one where someone is not supposed to drink because he has too much talent, or some such. Then she is leading the audience in some synchronized clapping, so that's enough of that.

After a commercial break, the women are lined up, and Nigel says they're unanimous. He tells Jeanine to step forward, and says it can be hard to stand out when you're paired with someone as unique as Phillip, but she had the strongest solo of the evening, so she should go sit down and relax. Kayla? She's one of the judges' and choreographers' favorites, but her solo tonight was static, and not really from the heart. Karla -- Nigel calls her a very good dancer, but she hasn't quite captured the star quality that they felt she had at the beginning, so they're saying good night to her.

After the montage, Karla says she's going to remember all the friends she's made. But they'll all be too busy touring to keep in touch!

And now it's time for the men. Nigel says they were unanimous again in this case. Phillip's first, and Nigel calls him unique, but tonight he seemed a little desperate, and they feel he has an awful lot of work to do to master the different styles, but that's what he's going to get a chance to do. He's staying. Vitolio's next. Nigel says they feel like he presents himself brilliantly, but he doesn't really deliver anything apart from a great presence. Nigel then calls Kupono's solo "weak," saying it's a good thing it's not called So You Think You Can Choreograph. They're going to be expecting more passion from him next week; he's staying. Someone way too close to a microphone yells, while Kupono throws his head back, relieved. After the montage, Vitolio gets a little choked up as he tells Cat about all the e-mail he received from people saying he inspired them. I guess someone else will have to talk them down from the

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So You Think You Can Dance

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