Ballroom dancer Iveta Lukosiute is... amazing. She pretty much IS Lena Olin's character from Alias if she'd never emigrated from Russia, her face has a plastic sheen to it like Jude Law in A.I., she's wearing a green sparkly dinner napkin, and she has a dance partner who she can seemingly summon and banish at will. She is almost definitely here to assassinate someone, but while she waits for the intel, she might as well audition. Watching a woman like this dance to Celine Dion is almost weirder. For real, though, she's got some wicked lines and a serpentine energy that's pretty unique. Nigel makes a big deal of using the word "vivacious" to describe her and actually busts out the Pasha/Anya comparison. Mary starts to cry through the botulism, and Mia's thrilled, too. We need to have a serious Mia smackdown soon. But not for Iveta! I'm too scared of her. She's through to Vegas.
The two dancers we're supposed to care about in choreography are Bryan (we actually do care) and Ariana (we seriously do not care). Here's what totally sucks: Bryan quits 15 minutes into the session. See, this is why choreography for the b-boys, unfortunately. Damn it, Bryan! Take a rumba class before next season. (I will say having Pasha run ballroom choreography this season rather than the pop/contempo/hip-hop sessions run by Lauren and Travis in the past has really been a stumbling block for the hip-hoppers. But after watching Phillip drag ass in ballroom last season, I can't exactly say it's not fair.) Anyway, Ariana sucks the bag at "Calle Ocho," and Mia lets her down easy.
Day Two in SLC sees Mia in her nerd glasses. Always a good time. Pascal Nayigiziki, 25, is a twitchy motherfucker who, I am sorry, looks and acts like he's on drugs. He does crack me up talking about how if the song calls for him to be Pink asking "please don't leave me," he'll do that, and if it's DMX, he'll shoot ya. Nigel loses patience with his spasmy non-dancing almost immediately, and honestly, he's not wrong. Pascal rips his shirt in half and flops around on the stage and generally acts not well. The judges mock the twitchiness, and Nigel notes the conspicuous lack of dancing. And also how insanely winded he is. Pascal tries to claim he's an "investment," and he certainly has a kind of hustler's charm, but it's a no-go.