Well, I'm going to be up until 2 AM trying to calm down after an episode that changes ev-er-y-thing.

"The only thing I lost that matters is you:" So it turns out that Bobby Elvis brokered a deal with Clay: Confess to the ding-dang nomad foolishness and leave the club, and in return, Bobby will blackball the "Let's kill Clay!" vote. This comes to pass, Clay is stripped of his patch and punched a few times by Jax, then spends the rest of the episode plotting a comeback: He's picking up the Real IRA business that Jax is putting down, wooing Tig away from the club (maybe) and conducting a real charm offensive on Gemma. (And oh my goodness, it's a testament to how good Ron Perlman and Katey Sagal are that I'm a little giddy at the idea of Clay and Gemma getting back together. I know.)

Oh, please, please let this be the prelude to an epic Justified/Sons of Anarchy crossover: So Donal Logue's character, Lee Toric, is a former U.S. marshall. Which means that when he decides to get to the bottom of his sister's murder, the legal slip-n-slide Tara did to get out of trouble in re: the "How in the hell did Otto get a stabbing implement?" inquiry is not going to fly with this guy. Also, he is very likely unhinged, on account of the shot we get of him sitting in a hotel room with a satchel full of pills, a bed full of firearms, and Antonin Artaud's Watchfiends and Rack Screams, which has been described as "a torrent of speech from the other side of sanity and the occult." The occult! I would not put it past this show to introduce Satan as a supporting character in season six. Quite possibly played by Lindsay Lohan.

"You can't stay in uniform and not play the game:" Although the entire episode seemed to be devoted to the many, many people whose lives Jax Teller has screwed up either accidentally or on purpose, the second-saddest victim of the episode was Nero, who has resumed his thug life with only a small side dish of self-loathing for not walking away when he had the chance. (And he may not even get Gemma as a consolation prize…) Nero bails out the club when things go gaft agley with the Irish (more on that below) and tells Jax as he hands over the money that he's had the nut for his uncle's spread for over a year; he just couldn't bring himself to leave and now he never will. Jax decides to ignore the huge neon sign reading, "YOUNG MAN, TAKE A LOOK AT YOUR LIFE, I'M A LOT LIKE YOU."

It's all fun and games until the Irish start shooting: The Irish may be the people allegedly impervious to psychotherapy but the dudes in the cartel are immune to logical thought. Since Lin can't deliver BFGs in a timely-enough fashion to suit Romeo, he presses Jax to make one last pickup from the Irish. Since there's no Clay there, Gaalan gleefully sets about being an obstinate prick, but his plan to deny Jax the guns backfires when the cartel comes in at the worst possible moment and decides they want the guns now-now-now-now. One shootout later, they have the guns. In retaliation, the Irish kidnap Wendy, since things worked out so well for them the last time they kidnapped someone associated with SAMCRO. (Strategic thinking like this is why is how Northern Ireland remains a part of the U.K., I'm guessing.) The MC gets her back with Nero's money …

… But Wendy finds out about Abel's abduction and hits the roof, observing that Jax and Tara learned nothing about how parenting and law-breaking don't exactly mix. Wendy decides she's going to sue for custody before the idiot Irish decide another abduction's in order for St. Stephen's Day or whatever. Tara does not take this well, but Jax promises, "I'm going to give you a beautiful life" and proceeds to take Wendy off the table by breaking into her apartment and injecting her with heroin, thereby taking away her sobriety and her job and her life, really. JAX: NOW THE WORST. Even Tig thinks so! I bet that job offer from Clay is looking fairly alluring now.

Lisa Schmeiser is now trying to imagine an episode in which both Boyd Crowder and Venus Van Dam can appear. Send your best plot bunnies to her via Twitter.