Well OK! So this was one of the craziest, most eventful episodes ever, but since this is just a recaplet, I will try to remain as concise -- yet thorough -- as possible. Deal? Deal. The Sons arrive home in Charming with Abel in tow, and start straight to work trying to locate Salazar and Tara. There's a bit of a fake-out, as we see Salazar driving away from the scene of his last cliffhanger with Tara, leaving two bloody ladies covered up with blankets on the side of the road, but after Bobby kidnaps Salazar's poor, whimpering aunt and Alvarez holds a gun to her head, they find out where Salazar was, and discover that the second woman (the one who isn't Salazar's dead girlfriend) is actually some poor lady Salazar killed for her car. Tara, on the other hand, is still alive and in the trunk of Salazar's new ride.
On the Jimmy front, he is in Northern Ireland with the Russians, who have agreed to smuggle him into Brazil in exchange for 700K and a supply of guns at cost. Stahl still wants him though, of course, so that'll probably get botched in the finale.
Speaking of Stahl, Gemma kidnaps her at gunpoint for a minute to interrogate her (with her words, not with her Jack Bauers) about her deal with Jax. When Stahl won't give up the details, Gemma threatens to tell the U.S. Attorney that Stahl wrote her statement for her unless she agrees to abandon the deal, and then lets her go. You know, because of how Stahl loves doing what she's told.
Unser gets together with Clay and they agree that once they find Salazar they need to keep him alive so he can rat out Hale and keep the sheriffs from taking over Charming. This promptly goes to shit once we see that Salazar has taken Tara to Hale's office to play hostage with the both of them. Once the cops, sheriffs, FBI and the ATF (which seems to just be Stahl and Tyler) arrive on the scene, Stahl quickly figures out that the place only has two exits -- naturally, she agrees to cover the back one, so she and Jax can do covert/corrupt stuff on their own without being seen by the authorities.
Inside, Salazar offers a trade: Tara for Jax, and when the FBI says that's not protocol, Stahl just lets Jax in the back door. Salazar decides he's going to kill Tara in front of Jax before he kills him, too, and Hale finally does something useful and stabs Salazar in his side with a Bic pen (like a gangsta!). Salazar runs, Jax chases, and after Salazar starts hacking at him with a fire ax, Jax offers him a deal: Jax will let him go if he swears to rat out Hale. Salazar agrees and lowers his awesome ax... which is when Jax just starts stabbing the shit out of him with a hunting knife. Bye, Salazar.
Outside, Stahl gets word on the radio that Salazar is dead. Upon hearing this, she goes into sociopath mode (when is she not, though?) and shoots Tyler dead, pinning it on "some Mexicans" via radio. The end of the episode shows Stahl giving her statement to IA, and saying that the day of the hostage crisis Tyler confessed to her that everything in Gemma's sworn statement was true, and that Gemma has been wrongly charged. Oof, poor Tyler.
Oh, and Opie and Pornie got engaged, and we found out that Tig and Kozik's whole tiff is over a damn cat (or dog, I have no idea what animal was in that grainy picture), but neither of those things seem terribly important right now.
OK, that was exhausting. I'm going to take a nap now. Bye!
This episode "contains strong language and violence," and is "intended only for mature audiences." And who is going to judge our maturity level, FX? Because I know plenty of people old enough to watch this whom I wouldn't exactly describe as mature. Semantics... Anyway, previously: A lot of shit went down, starting with last season's finale, when Stahl framed Gemma. Then they both framed Stahl's girlfriend, Tyler. And now Jax is sort of in bed with Stahl to free up SAMCRO and his mom, even though Gemma thinks she's a bitch. Also: Hale hired Salazar to beat up Lumpy, then Salazar blackmailed him for Tara's whereabouts so he could kidnap her. It all went bad, and Salazar's girl was killed, which can't be good for Tara. But at least Jax knows now, and has his baby in tow. Which brings us to now, with SAMCRO unloading from the shady child molester van they've taken from the airport to their bikes in Charming. So we know just how much this is tearing him up, Jax's first question for Tig is about Tara. Tig knows nothing new, so he tells Jax about the new swing-set the Prospects spent all night building for Abel. Opie and Lyla kiss hello, which normally wouldn't matter much, but their love does figure into this episode.
The full SAMCRO assembles a quick staff meeting to discuss what to do next. Tig updates them: The ATF and Charming police are digging into Salazar, including talking to "that aunt who owned that house." They've talked to some of the Calaveras, but so far they've got nothing. Clay will check in with Unser, and Jax with Stahl. But Kozik reminds Tig of the complication: Alvarez knows the cops are checking into Salazar, who could seriously blow a whistle on Alvarez's heroin operation. Jax worries that the Mayans won't give a shit about protecting Tara if they find Salazar first. Clay tells Tig to set a meeting with Alvarez, and Bobby to find Salazar's aunt for some info on Hector. Meeting adjourned. Clay watches Tig and Kozik stroll out of the place arm in arm, and tells Bobby this is good, since they'll need Kozik to become SAMCRO. Then he turns his attention to Gemma: He wants her out of sight, but she's not about to start listening to any men concerned for her safety, and is not going anywhere. Bobby says Piney's already "up there" waiting for her, but she wants to sleep in her own bed, and no one knows she's back. Jax says they'll lock down the garage, and she'll be safe. Clay reluctantly agrees.
Gemma dumps Abel with Lyla, so she can go have a heart to heart with Jax, but before we get to that, Opie comes over and looks lovingly at Lyla holding a baby. Gemma joins Jax in his room at the garage and tells him not to get used to staying here, because he's going home with his son and his old lady. He gives her a "Yes, ma'am" on this one, but when she pushes him to tell her what sort of deal he's cut with Stahl, he's not quite so agreeable. She says she has a right to know, given that whatever idiocy he's cooked up is for her, but he just tells her to trust him and she'll find out soon enough. You know, if you want to get your mom off your back, the last thing you should do is make the secret you're keeping sound this ominous. Gemma tells him she can't protect him from Clay or the other guys if he's a rat -- but the fact that she wants to says something about Gemma, I guess, because I sort of thought her loyalties were to SAMCRO above all, even Clay and even Jax. He promises her everyone is going to be okay and kisses her on the cheek. With that, he's off to run SAMCRO's version of errands: talk to federal agents.
Elsewhere, Salazar's beating on the trunk of a car on the side of the road, clearly an emotional wreck about Louisa's death -- or maybe about the murder he's just committed: When he drives away, he leaves Louisa's body under a blanket with another dark-haired female body lying next to her. We're supposed to presume this is Tara, but anyone who's ever watched TV ever knows it's not her. And, with that, the non-Irish opening is back. Which is a little sad, because the best part of the Belfast storyline was the theme song.
Lyla and Opie help Gemma, her grandson, and her parrot home. Opie follows Gemma to her room with the parrot to ask her what she thinks of Lyla and him. Gemma thinks she's sweet, but she senses that it's a problem for him that "she earns her living catching cum in her mouth." Opie looks embarrassed, but says he knows he can't ask her to give it up, because Donna begged him to give up his life, so he knows how that feels. Gemma agrees he doesn't have a right, unless he marries Lyla. She guesses that if he marries her, Lyla will start working with her legs shut. She just needs security.
Unser and Clay catch up on things: Unser's happy about the kids, and he promises they'll stay clear of Gemma, since Clay promises she's not going anywhere before the bail hearing. Clay asks if the rumors are true: If Hale's mayor, the sheriff's office will take over Charming, meaning goodbye, Charming PD. Unser says that would make this place a different town, and not as loving and gentle of a place for SAMCRO. He says that if the cops take Salazar, the first thing he'll do is rat on Hale. Clay's going to make sure his guys know. When Clay comes out of his meeting, Jax is just going into his with Stahl, so he tells Clay he'll meet him back at the clubhouse. Before Jax even sits down in her office, Stahl nonchalantly asks where Jimmy is. Jax lies that he's MIA, just like Tara. Stahl assures him the area's locked down and they will find Salazar and Tara. She tells him a lot is at stake, and somehow that breaks him: He tells her that the Irish gave Jimmy safe passage out in exchange for his kid, and now he's "up north" making some sort of deal with the Russians, some guy named Putlova. Jax says they have a brother who's a good source, but he's in maximum security: "Lenny the Pimp." Stahl asks if he means Lenny Janowitz, who killed three ATF agents... Jax interrupts: "Allegedly." Dude, what is he? A reporter? It's really more complicated than it should be, but basically there's another guy in the hole, Otto, who can get information from Putlova to Lenny to SAMCRO to Stahl. All she has to do is arrange for them to have some yard time when Otto's out of the hole tomorrow. Then they can find out where Putlova's stashed Jimmy. She'll do what she can, but would like him to look at her file on IRA leaders and tell her who's who. He says some of these guys look familiar, and he'll be able to focus once Tara's safe. Stahl says they don't have time for this, but he tells her the sooner they find Tara, the sooner he finds Jimmy. Upper hand intact for now, Jax walks out.
Russian's estate. Jimmy's filling them in on all of the guns and ammo connections he still has, which he is willing to give to them, making them one of the largest distributors in the Northwest. Hey, is Jimmy in PR? It sounds like he just wrote their illegal gun operation's advertising copy. A Russian guy (who the captions tell me is named Viktor) says these are big promises, but Jimmy says they can work out the details once he's in Santa Catarina, Brazil. Viktor says that securing Jimmy's passage to South America requires calling in a lot of favors and paying a lot of people off, so it's a big risk and he'd like two million dollars, all up front. Jimmy thought it was supposed to be 500K down, and the rest in Brazil. Jimmy's sidekick, Donny, says they could come up with 700, maybe 750, but Viktor just smiles at them. Jimmy gives them some sort of deal on the guns, so Viktor settles for that and the 750, but he's not letting Jimmy go collect money. He's in no hurry, so Donny can just collect it all. Donny jokes about how long the drive is to Vegas. The Russians yuk it up, but Jimmy's not amused.
Unser and Gemma are smoking pot at her house. He's stopped by to make sure she's okay, but she reminds him he was pulling a gun on her just last week (time sure moves slowly on this show, since that was about a month, in episode time). Unser says he was technically pulling it on Tig. And, I mean,