Sons of Anarchy
Mr. Toad's Wild Ride

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Six Beatings and a Movie!

Oh my God, all of Unser's pot use has dulled his faculties and he really did decide it was a good idea to introduce himself to the other two nomads. Or else he's hoping to go out via suicide by biker and tag it to the nomads. Either way, this scene does not presage the start of a long and beautiful friendship.

Having threatened Frankie, Jax turns to the next item on his to-do list: Checking out how the decorating at The New Best Little Whorehouse In Charming is going. Well, it's an improvement in that the prevailing aesthetic is less Sleazy Pier One Imports and more Unironically Sordid West Elm, right down to the on-trend teal walls and vaguely George Nelson-style light fixtures. I think Charming's hipster douchebag population -- all two of them -- will feel comfortable here.

Chibs is feeling good about the new place and Tig grins, "I'm so excited." Even Lyla seems much recovered from her bereavement, saying that she's doing okay and "Nero's a good guy." Speaking of the man, he is there to do two things: Obfuscate on Carla's exact whereabouts ("I'm pretty sure she's moved on") and tell Jax that Gemma is up shit creek. AGAIN.

Cue the entire club, plus Nero, rolling up to the no-tell motel. Jax is dismayed that his mom is hanging out at the type of locale that would make lot lizards blanch, and Gemma is dismayed that Nero told the club where she was: "If I wanted them to show up, I would have called them," she hissed. Nero gives her the kind of cheerful grin only two people who nearly had sex at gunpoint can share.

Jax asks his mom what the hell happened, and Gemma vagues, "I crashed her last night and someone stole my caddy." "'Someone,'" says Jax, and it cracks me up that Charlie Hunnam can perfectly pronounce air quotes but still has a hard time with the flat "a" sound Americans make. Jax heads inside, cases the room, and comes out brandishing a bottle of milky white fluid. "Since when do you drink banana vodka?" he asks, and Gemma cringes in shame. As she should, because what is she, a 14 year old girl? I bet the next two bottles Jax finds are going to be Southern Comfort and Mountain Dew, and then Gemma's humiliation will be complete.

Nero asks what happened and Gemma shamefacedly says that while she was in the bathroom doing what my toddler daughter calls, "a tinkle-tinkle-tinkle," Joel McHale stole her wallet and her SUV. (I must say that Joel McHale has invented the sweetest scam in history: Not only do you get acquainted with people on an accelerated timetable, you also get in a nap, cash prizes and a car!) Anyway, Gemma has to admit she does not remember Joel McHale's name, quite possibly because her busy few years have left an enormous backlog of E! channels on the TiVo, and Jax shakes his head and asks disgustedly, "Jesus Christ, who are you?" Gemma has no good answer for him.

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Sons of Anarchy

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