Gemma's walking down the hall, when she's surprised by Tig coming out of the bathroom, clad only in a short pink satin floral robe. Their conversation is too delicious not to transcribe:
GEMMA: Oh! Heeeeey.
TIG: Hey.
GEMMA: Nice robe.
TIG: [crosses hands in front of the goods] Yeah.
GEMMA: Ah ... where you going with the baby oil?
TIG: I'm not going to lie to you, Gemma. I'm a very big man, and a little bit of lube sometimes is just the humane thing to do.
GEMMA: [obviously trying to keep a straight face] Mmmm. I hope that's the Guatemalan hottie in there, and not my dad.
TIG: Nah. Ah, yeah -- okay, I mean, Nate's a very handsome man, but not my bent.
GEMMA: [watches him leave, tries in vain not to smirk] Mmmm.
Back on bounty patrol, the SAMCRO crew and the bounty hunter have tracked down Artie to an adult bookstore. He is availing himself of the private booths in the back, which seems like a great place to corner him. Opie is tasked with keeping an eye on Artie's friends in the front of the store, while Jax and Juice head to the back. Unfortunately, Opie gets distracted by the fact that his girlfriend's all over several of the featured cinematic selections, so he totally misses when Hardy's friends wander off. Opie, you idiot. You are dating a porn actress. You are in an adult bookstore. Did it not occur to you that you might run across her work?
Anyway, because Opie's busy working out that madonna/whore complex (or that dead wife/live girlfriend issue, whatever), Hardy's friends come back right as Jax is trying to collar Artie. There's a bit of a standoff, but Opie finally, belatedly manages to take out the people he shouldn't have let back there in the first place. Artie gets away in the fracas, runs across the street, and does a little nyah-nyah-I'm-going-to-get-away dance that is interrupted by a Prius silently gliding through and sending him ass-over-teakettle into the street. As the bounty hunter scampers off to make his collar, Juice tells Jax, "Damned hybrids. Those things are dangerous." HAAAAAAA.
In the next scene, SAMCRO is about to pay Calaveras club honcho Hector Salazar a visit at home. This will not involve ringing the doorbell and politely asking if they can chat about the Mayans' plans. It involves the guys more or less forcing themselves in and nailing Hector to the floor as soon as possible. Bobby Elvis is ordered to go find Hector's old lady. Clay asks Hector why his club is doing "Mayan bitch work," but before Hector can give a sufficiently belligerent and uninformative answer, his woman Luisa's got a gun on Bobby Elvis and is walking him out of the room. Bobby drawls, "I am having a rough day with the ladies." This is two episodes in a row where Bobby Elvis has a gun on him and he's cool and quippy with it. I hope this becomes a thing. Jax defuses this stand-off by headbutting Luisa. This sets Hector off, so Jax bounces his head off a few hard surfaces. Clay's all, "Dang, son," and Bobby Elvis seems faintly taken aback by this, but Jax isn't exactly reading the room for reactions. He wants to find out why the Mayans are patching over the Calaveras club. Hector vows not to say anything useful. Clay decides everyone's time would be better served if Jax did less hitting: "We'll take him to the hole and finish this." Hector burbles through a mouthful of blood that "You can't kill me -- I'm a patched president." But Clay shrugs off this admission with "I don't recognize your bullshit MC."













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