Sons of Anarchy

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SAMCRO: Doing More Before Noon …

GEMMA: Oh! Heeeeey.
TIG: Hey.
GEMMA: Nice robe.
TIG: [crosses hands in front of the goods] Yeah.
GEMMA: Ah ... where you going with the baby oil?
TIG: I'm not going to lie to you, Gemma. I'm a very big man, and a little bit of lube sometimes is just the humane thing to do.
GEMMA: [obviously trying to keep a straight face] Mmmm. I hope that's the Guatemalan hottie in there, and not my dad.
TIG: Nah. Ah, yeah -- okay, I mean, Nate's a very handsome man, but not my bent.
GEMMA: [watches him leave, tries in vain not to smirk] Mmmm.

Back on bounty patrol, the SAMCRO crew and the bounty hunter have tracked down Artie to an adult bookstore. He is availing himself of the private booths in the back, which seems like a great place to corner him. Opie is tasked with keeping an eye on Artie's friends in the front of the store, while Jax and Juice head to the back. Unfortunately, Opie gets distracted by the fact that his girlfriend's all over several of the featured cinematic selections, so he totally misses when Hardy's friends wander off. Opie, you idiot. You are dating a porn actress. You are in an adult bookstore. Did it not occur to you that you might run across her work?

Anyway, because Opie's busy working out that madonna/whore complex (or that dead wife/live girlfriend issue, whatever), Hardy's friends come back right as Jax is trying to collar Artie. There's a bit of a standoff, but Opie finally, belatedly manages to take out the people he shouldn't have let back there in the first place. Artie gets away in the fracas, runs across the street, and does a little nyah-nyah-I'm-going-to-get-away dance that is interrupted by a Prius silently gliding through and sending him ass-over-teakettle into the street. As the bounty hunter scampers off to make his collar, Juice tells Jax, "Damned hybrids. Those things are dangerous." HAAAAAAA.

In the next scene, SAMCRO is about to pay Calaveras club honcho Hector Salazar a visit at home. This will not involve ringing the doorbell and politely asking if they can chat about the Mayans' plans. It involves the guys more or less forcing themselves in and nailing Hector to the floor as soon as possible. Bobby Elvis is ordered to go find Hector's old lady. Clay asks Hector why his club is doing "Mayan bitch work," but before Hector can give a sufficiently belligerent and uninformative answer, his woman Luisa's got a gun on Bobby Elvis and is walking him out of the room. Bobby drawls, "I am having a rough day with the ladies." This is two episodes in a row where Bobby Elvis has a gun on him and he's cool and quippy with it. I hope this becomes a thing. Jax defuses this stand-off by headbutting Luisa. This sets Hector off, so Jax bounces his head off a few hard surfaces. Clay's all, "Dang, son," and Bobby Elvis seems faintly taken aback by this, but Jax isn't exactly reading the room for reactions. He wants to find out why the Mayans are patching over the Calaveras club. Hector vows not to say anything useful. Clay decides everyone's time would be better served if Jax did less hitting: "We'll take him to the hole and finish this." Hector burbles through a mouthful of blood that "You can't kill me -- I'm a patched president." But Clay shrugs off this admission with "I don't recognize your bullshit MC."

Meanwhile, in Belfast, Maureen is giving Abel a bottle. Father Ashby comes in and asks, "How is he, sis?" "He's a special one," she coos at Abel, and Father Ashby says, "They're all special at that wee age." Well, what sort of sentimentality can one expect from a man who's probably baptized hundreds of screamy infants? He then establishes that Maureen's daughter Trinity is on holiday and therefore won't be around to overhear any Real IRA business. And it's grim business Kellan delivers: "I heard from Jimmy. He has proof Eddie worked for the Feds. It gets worse. I spoke to Clay. Wasn't Gemma killed the boy, it was ATF. I've consulted with the council. If we leave it 'til Jimmy or the MC get ahold of Cammy ... it'll be brutal, Mo." Maureen keeps on cuddling Abel as she sadly acknowledges that Cameron's about die -- quickly, at any rate -- in order to begin limiting the damage his misunderstand hath wrought. There's a long, silent moment, and then she asks, "How does it land on the Cause?" Answer: it could land any number of ways. Mo intuits, "The last thing Jimmy wants is SAMCRO showing up here looking for [Abel]." Father Ashby deadpans, "Yes. That would complicate his plans." Mo is no dummy. She fixes Kellan with a stare and asks, "And what do you desire ... Father Ashby?" A long, calculating look back at Maureen, and Father Ashby replies, "To give the sacraments. To make sure our kin end up on the right side of God." Maureen is staring at Kellan like she just doesn't believe a word he says. And you know, James Cosmo is doing a fine, fine job here as a priest who can make one really fear the almighty whatever, but I do wish the show had managed to get Brian Cox, if only because he is so, so good at projecting that genteel menace which Father Ashby obviously deploys at will.

Tara is still re-folding all the stuff in Abel's nursery and, one hopes, regretting that she didn't lay waste to Jax's dresser instead. She notices the pad with Gemma's number on it, and calls.

Gemma's making soup for her father, and she calls out to Nate that lunch is almost ready. When she talks to her dad, she is nothing but gentleness itself; it's amazing how much of Gemma comes out in her voice. Anyway, Nate's coming out of the bathroom when he's distracted by noises down the hall. From the sound of it, Tig's baby oil deployment has moved beyond humanitarian effort into something approaching kinesthetic philanthropy. Nate, however, is confused: "Rose? Rose, you all right?" When he opens the door, he sees a naked Tig giving Amelia the business from behind. Well! Good to see Tig's all healed up from those dog bites his nethers were afflicted with in season one.

Gemma's phone rings and she picks it up with a wary "Yeah?" Tara chirps, "Gemma, it's me!" and Gemma -- still cautious -- asks if something is wrong. No, Tara just wants to see how Gemma is. "You on your cell?" Gemma asks. Nope, Tara's using a burner. "You're learning," Gemma says approvingly. Then she gets motherly: "You've been through it, baby. What happened with the prospect, that's shit no one should have to see." Tara winces on the other end. Gemma urges her, "You got to hold on to family, baby. That's what's getting me through it." This conversation is almost a funhouse-mirror version of the Tara/Gemma interactions of two seasons ago, where Gemma was ripping strips off Tara's back for abandoning Jax (and, by proxy, her). I feel like Gemma's given Tara the signal that she's family now. Right then, a gunshot goes off and Amelia screams. Gemma snaps, "Shit!" and hastily says her goodbyes to Tara.

Cut to Nate brandishing a shotgun and shouting, "How could you do this to me, Rose?" Amelia's wrapped in a sheet, backed into a corner, and Tig is lying half-on-half-off the bed with blood streaming down his left shoulder. Gemma comes in with, "Jesus Christ, Dad, what are you doing?" and Tig sort of laughs, "He shot me, the crazy old prick." Amelia shrieks the obvious: "He thought I was Rose!" and this snaps Nate out of his dementia. Gemma tries to mop up Tig, grumbling, "Holy shit, Dad," and Nate begins weeping, "What did I do?" Gemma looks up, her irritation instantly dissolved into pity.

Tig's finally covered up and sitting on the bed -- for those keeping score, Amelia's in the satin robe now -- and Gemma's feeding him some of Rose's leftover Vicodin. Tig asks after Nate, which is surprisingly considerate, and Gemma sees the sunny side of dementia by shrugging, "Hopefully, he'll forget by the morning." Amelia suggests they take Tig to the E.R., but Gemma says, "It was a bullet wound. They'll report it to the cops." Amelia replies, "It was an accident. They can't arrest your father." Gemma says, "It's not him I'm worried about." Cut to Amelia wondering if

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