Sons of Anarchy
Orca Shrugged

Episode Report Card
Sobell: B | 6 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
"The Queens We Use Would Not Excite You"

Next up: a visit to the good councilman, who is unconscious from the roofie'd brownies. Tig is leaning against the man all casual-like, and he tells Chucky, Jax, Chibs, Juice and Happy, "I think he even licked the box." The councilman is expected to be out for four hours. Bobby Elvis asks quickly, "Are you sure we want to do this? It's a risky bet on a horse we hate," and while I am unclear on what "this" is, if prior seasons of Sons of Anarchy have taught us anything, it's that Jax excels at crafting and carrying out long-term plays. Jax says as much: "Come on, man. This is for the long game, brother. First bite of the apple's got to be tasty." Bobby chuckles and says, "I hope you're right." And now, it's the SAMCRO equivalent of clobberin' time.

Gemma has decided to do a little detective work, because Nero not answering her calls surely has everything to do with her and nothing to do with the fact that his lease was up in a week and he's scrambling for his business. She totters into the Best Little Cathouse in Charming, which is down to a bunch of moving boxes (exactly what is there to --? You know, nobody answer that.) and the bad black-and-white photos on the walls. Hilariously, the escorts are moving the boxes in full miniskirt-and-heels ensembles. As Nero comes out, he asks brusquely, "You lost? What are you doing here?" Gemma is all, "You didn't caaaaaaaaaall," and Nero uses the brothel's imminent shutdown as an excuse for dodging Gemma. She then asks where Carla is, and Nero says, "Hopefully healing someplace. Carla's got her demons. She's a complicated girl." Gemma gets that. She apologizes for Carla's beatdown, then justifies it with, "She almost got Jax killed. Tara went a little medieval on her." You know, I am sure Nero and Gemma could exchange who-wronged-whom arguments all day, so let's skip to the main point of this scene: Nero sucks at dumping women, which is somewhat surprising for someone who's a pimp, and his suckitude enables Gemma to discern that Jax is the one who provided Nero with the incentive to end things. Also, I hate Gemma's chunky blonde streaks. They add ten years to her appearance. That and the severe eyeliner. Gemma needs a makeunder.

So it turns our that Jax's first step in the long game is to dress up the unconscious councilman in bondage gear and take photos of him. then Chucky announces, "We got something coming," and opens the door to six feet of Venus Van Dam. She would not be out of place on RuPaul's Drag Race for a wide variety of reasons. (Also, the IMDb nerd in me loves that Walton Goggins is playing this role because his co-owner in Ginny Mule Pictures is Ray McKinnon -- whom you will all remember as Lincoln Potter of last season -- and McKinnon has already donned a fetching Coldwater Creek ensemble, so why shouldn't both partners in Ginny Mule get a chance to feel pretty?)

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Sons of Anarchy

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