Sons of Anarchy
Orca Shrugged

Episode Report Card
Sobell: B | 7 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
"The Queens We Use Would Not Excite You"

Callow though he may be, Devin is not dumb. Within seconds, he has figured out that his town's motorcycle gang is blackmailing his stepfather -- and he is totally down with that. "Allen is a total dick, man," he explains. Venus pipes up, "How old are you, sugar?" Devin claims he's 21. Venus sashays over and coos, "I do like them young and sweet." Devin gasps, "Dude, you're like a dude." Note that he did not say, "No." Venus flutters, "Didn't your daddy teach you, 'Never judge a book by its penis?' Now, have you ever had your dick sucked by a Southern girl with a huge cock?" Surprisingly, Devin has not. As Venus mashes Devin's face into her formidable cleavage, she promises, "Baby, you are in for a treat. I will make you come so hard, it'll make your grandmama wet." Proving he was absent the day his English teacher covered "hyperbole" in school, Devin gasps that his grandmother is dead.

Jax helpfully adds that getting a blowjob from a transvestite does not make you gay, concluding, "We've all been there." Everyone mutters their concurrence, and Juice adds thoughtfully, "A lot of cock..." Devin squeaks, "Really? All you guys?" "Two dicks," Chibs deadpans, helpfully miming the particulars. Venus persuades Devin to put on a blindfold and wait for him. Devin chortles all the way to the back of the office. Once he's gone, Venus is all business: "I suggest you clean up Tubby while I get some photos of this very disenchanted little boy." Jax looks like he's halfway to Tig levels of gratitude as he says, "That would be very helpful." It's about another $2000 worth of helpful. Before she heads to the back, Venus asks of Tig, "You jealous, Tiger?" "Kind of," he says. "I know you are. Ha!" Venus exults, and sashays back to turn Devin's morning into the 2012 remix of "Lola."

On the straight side of town, Roosevelt is enjoying a meal in his office with his wife Rita and it's adorable up to the point where it's interrupted by him having to watch Clay and Gemma picking through photos of other people's stuff. He and Rita idly gossip about Clay and Gemma's disintegrating relationship and Rita gets in a nice zinger about the similarities between outlaw life and law enforcement life. Then it's time for Roosevelt to get back to work, so he kisses Rita goodbye, then kisses her stomach, which is the TV shorthand for "PREGNANT LADY AHOY." You will recall that there was a single scene last year at the hospital where it was established that these two were seeking medical assistance in having children, so this is obviously a much-yearned-for pregnancy. Uh-oh.

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Sons of Anarchy

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