Sons of Anarchy
Orca Shrugged

Episode Report Card
Sobell: B | 7 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
"The Queens We Use Would Not Excite You"

On her way out of the office, Rita catches Gemma's eye and the two horticultural groupies exchange cordial nods. Then Roosevelt comes over to ask Clay and Gemma if anything in the van was theirs. Not so far, but if a silver teapot's up for the taking, Gemma would like dibs. Roosevelt is all, Oh, ha, ha, until the moment he's distracted by two no-doubt-pertinent pieces of information: the young men in holding are from Damon Pope's fiefdom (East-Dub), and they're busy beating up a screw. I smell set-up.

Back at the councilman's office, Venus saunters out in her sassy wrap dress, hands over a smartphone to Jax, and sits down to reapply her lippy. Jax says to the dazed Devin, "So let me tell you how this goes: You go home, you tell no one about any of this. 'Cause if you do, your stepdad ain't going to be the only one with a new photo album." Devin is shocked -- shocked! -- that the same biker gang who is blackmailing his stepdad with a transvestite hooker might do the same to him. Why, it's an extra-mean thing to do because Devin adores SAMCRO and would love to hang around them. This does not get the rapturous response Devin had hoped for. More to the point, Chibs cordially invites him to come by on Saturday morning and clean up the river of filth that everyone leaves in the bathroom on a Friday night.

Well, Venus thought the day was delightful. She stands up and carols, "Whenever y'all need a little Venus love, give me a call. I'm the belle who does not tell." Then she plants one on Jax (he wipes his mouth discreetly), gropes Tig's bottom for good luck (he watches her go like a lovesick swain), and saunters out of the episode. I sincerely hope she'll be back. And I hope she brings a friend who shares Timothy Olyphant's magnificent bone structure.

Anyway, the boys are busy trying to get the councilman back behind his desk when he suddenly comes to and, for reasons known only to himself and his God, sinks his teeth into Tig's backside. This is the third glute-related injury Tig has suffered since the show began: there was the dog bite in Season One, the bullet courtesy of Gemma's dad in Season Three, and now a human bite. By Season Seven, Kurt Sutter's going to have to contrive a plausible situation involving rabid bunnies.

Cut to Tig stretched, prone, on a tarp, smoking a joint while Chibs pats his shoulder. Tara exclaims, "Jesus Christ!" in disgust. Girl, I say that every time I look at your tacky-ass Clairol "Paint these frosted highlights yourself" hairdo. Anyway, she claims that she'll be able to stitch him up, which is right when Jax remembers that Tara had an appointment that day, and he asks if the new cast is good news. "More mobility," Tara says glumly, and it does not escape Jax's notice that her head's not in the game. As Tara heads off to do the clubhouse version of scrubbing in, Bobby leans over and quietly tells Jax that the boys will help Tara. The idea of a bunch of hairy, filthy bikers poking around Tig's open wound fills nobody with any alarm whatsoever.

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Sons of Anarchy

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