Fall Pilot Season: Sons of Anarchy

by Mindy Monez September 4, 2008
Sons of Anarchy Premiere The Sons are about to embark on their Mayan invasion, when Jax swings by Opie's house to pick him up. Opie's wife figures out what he's about to do and completely loses her shit, so Jax is a real stand-up guy about it and offers to do the job for him. Opie agrees, and hands the professional grade explosives to Jax, who likely doesn't know what the hell he's doing. It's still a nice gesture that Jax made, I suppose. A nice gesture that could get all the Sons blown up, but still a nice gesture all the same. Why doesn't this kid just go to veterinarian school or something?

Clay's not thrilled about Jax doing Opie's work for him, but he doesn't have time to argue about it, so onward they charge to Mayan country, with the rest of the gang.

Now we're in some amazing nightclub, where an Asian Elvis is rehearsing. Half-Sack and Big Burly Biker are haggling with the club owner over being double-booked with Asian Elvis. Apparently in addition to gun-running bikers, they are also entertainers! The club owner tells them there's nothing he can do, because tourists love Asian Elvis, and walks off. Asian Elvis is officially toast.

Cut to the gang's infiltration of Mayan headquarters, inter-spliced with uneventful shots of Abel's surgery. Fortunately, Mayan headquarters is deserted for the moment, so the Sons have a good time going through everything and setting up the explosives. Then we cut back to the amazing nightclub, where Half-Sack is beating the living hell out of Asian Elvis, who does not break character once, even while being kicked to death. He is a true entertainer and a rising star. I can see why the tourists adore him.

Back to the warehouse! They found the guns! Yay! Let's get out of here! Jax is of course having some trouble setting up the professional grade explosives, and Clay is all impatient and disapproving, but there's no time for that now! A noisy muscle car has pulled up outside and Clay says, "Gotta be the Mayans." Another thing I've never understood about gang members -- why not use stealthier cars? That engine just screams rival gang.

Clay and Jax go to check out the muscle car, which is occupied by two whole Mayans. Jax wants to run and avoid a violent confrontation, but Clay basically calls him a candy ass and says he came to send a message. I hate to admit it, but I'm with Jax on this one.

Anyway, Jax dons a blanket and creates a diversion, stumbling up to the Mayans pretending to be a drunk homeless man. The Mayans start taunting the pandejo borracho, and Clay sneaks up and shoots one of them in the throat, saying that's what happens when you steal from the Sons. Then he leaves Jax with the other Mayan, saying "He's all yours." Wouldn't you want to keep that guy alive so he could deliver the message to his fellow gang members? No wonder Jax questions Clay's leadership. The Mayan gets on his knees and starts praying in Spanish, which makes Jax hesitate because he can't do anything right. Out of nowhere, some new guy emerges from behind a dumpster, shooting Jax in the back twice, which is cool because he's wearing a vest. Jax rolls onto his back and shoots dumpster man a couple times. Clay then rapid fires on the praying Mayan, and that hombre is dead and dead! He then tells Jax to "Finish it" with the dumpster guy, who is lying face down on the pavement, dying, and really grumbling about it. Jax protests, saying it's already finished, even though it clearly is not, and Clay looks at him like he doesn't even know him anymore. Then Braveheart Scar runs up all upset about the carnage, but he's ignored. They examine dead dumpster man and realize he is one of Skinner's men, which means Skinner is now in cahoots with the Mexicans. Which is weird, because he's a Nazi, but hey, business is business, right? He's got the drugs, they've got the muscle. It's a partnership made in crime drama heaven! They stuff the two Mayans and Skinner's boy in a car in the warehouse and blow it to hell, but not before sticking one seriously hilarious stick of dynamite in dumpster man's butt. Ha! Good one! And they're off!

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