Sons of Anarchy

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Blessed Are the Peacemakers, for They Get to Go to Ireland

Having finished his business with Unser, Clay's moved on to the next item on his to-do list: meeting with the Mayans under a bridge somewhere. On one side: SAMCRO and the Grim Bastards. On the other: the Mayans and the Calaveras club. Alvarez would like to know what's going on. Clay tells Alvarez to stop playing the ingenue: he knows they're patching over Calaveras in an effort to expand their heroin network down to Stockton prison. Alvarez says, "If you're here to declare war, consider it already on." Clay says, "We're tired of getting bloody. Your attack at the wake, our attack at Zobelle's getaway ... why don't we just call it even?" You should: This alleged war is beginning to look like a Looney Tunes reel where both sides just keep taking hits.

Alvarez disagrees: "Too much bad blood to call it even." Clay says, "That's my point. We've been doing this too long, Marcus. Nobody ever wins." Chibs comes over and shows Alvarez the heroin and balloons that they took off the van. Alvarez immediately begins whaling on the Calaveras president. Clay deadpans, "Moving high-risk cargo is ... tricky. Things tend to get lost in transit. However, if it comes across our borders again, we can guarantee safe passage to Stockton." Jax adds, "That's why you're patching over these idiots, right? So shit like this don't happen? We got a better idea. Our brothers in Lodi are more capable. With our support, your new enterprise is protected." T.O. stands there and looks capable. Clay catches Alvarez's eye, smirks a little and says, "I'm trying to make peace here." And peace comes at the low, low price of $25,000 per each heroin run, PLUS whatever fee the Grim Bastards decide to charge. Alvarez agrees to the deal. Jax is all, "Oh, by the way, no Mayan charter in Lodi," and Alvarez looks at the Calaveras crew and sneers, "Shit, none of these bitches would have made the cut anyway." This sets off the boys from Calaveras, and Alvarez takes out the president of the bullshit MC with one punch. Cut to Juice thrumming with vicarious pleasure at that. Alvarez then attaches his own rider to the deal: Remember that guy who fell out of the van during the spray-and-pray? One with the squeezed testicles? Alvarez wants him dead. Since SAMCRO has the run of St. I Don't Know How The Charming Taxpayers Support That Hospital, this will not be a problem. Clay and Alvarez shake on it, then Jax and Alvarez shake. As they turn to go, a particularly large Mayan -- let's call him Chichen Itza, as he is giant and pyramid-shaped -- tosses something to Juice, and Alvarez casually mentions that they've been holding on to Juice's cut. He asks, "How could you let those bitches take your cut, ese? You're an embarrassment to Latinos everywhere." Juice has no clever reply to that. But he does get to beat up a Calaveras club member, so it's all good.

Back at the hospital, Agent Tyler and Stahl are sprinting through the hallways, and Tyler is asking Stahl why Gemma might be accusing her of killing Edmond. Stahl's reply: Because Gemma Morrow is a lying liar who lies, and Tyler's just a convenient target. Tyler's not buying that explanation, so Stahl desperately lunges for Argument B: "We have proof, all right? We've got fingerprints on the gun, motive ..." Tyler gives her a Girl, please look, as she is well aware of how weak the evidence truly is, and Stahl moves to Argument C, which can be distilled to Baby, trust me. Don't I always do you right?. It is a sign of how bleak the lesbian dating scene is in Charming that Tyler drops it and goes along. Now, hands up all you readers who are sure that Stahl is betting that by pinning this on Tyler, the whole case will get thrown out and she'll end up unscathed? Okay, keep your hands up if you suspect that, in fine Sons of Anarchy tradition, this plan will be blown to hell by the season's end because a) it relies on a series of assumed events that will likely not come to pass, and b) Stahl is involved and she will inevitably get handicapped by her own incompetence.

Back in Gemma's hospital room, Counselor Calamity calmly inquires, "You want to explain to me why you sabotaged your deal?" Gemma mutters, "I had a change of heart." "The U.S. attorney's office is furious. I don't know what to do here, Gemma," Counselor Calamity says. Gemma says, "Yeah. Sorry. I gotta get out of this room for a while. Could you just ask my babysitter there if we could take an escorted therapy stroll? Then I'll fill you in on what's going on, I promise." Counselor Calamity almost smiles at this.

Hey, everybody! It's Darby the flame-broiled racist! (Flame-broiling: It sears in the hate without sacrificing any of the juicy ignorance.) He's alive and receiving treatment at a clinic on the outskirts of Charming, which is how he happens to witness Tara and Jax unloading all the HIV protocol drugs. It's a joyless transaction -- Jax is not at all happy about his old lady brokering this deal -- but Darby is giddy with revelation: "Son of a bitch, SAMCRO's in the drug business."

Aaaaaand cut to him cornering Hale the Lesser at a diner in town to pass along the news that SAMCRO's trafficking in controlled substances, the filthy hypocrites. Hale the Lesser successfully deduces that Darby's telling him this because, if he acts on it and engineers a raid of the SAMCRO clubhouse, it'll clear the illegal drug field for Darby. The flame-broiled racist denies this: "The Nords are almost done and getting burned to near death tends to make one rethink one's priorities." He just wants revenge against SAMCRO.

And in the next scene, it looks like Hale the Lesser's going to give it to him. We're in the precinct house where a blonde cop is fielding a phone call from the San Joaquin sheriff's department. When she hangs up, she tells Unser that the sheriff is planning a raid on the SAMCRO clubhouse and they want Charming PD to assist. Unser shakes his head, but he's not exactly trotting away to give Clay a heads-up.

Meanwhile, it's time for SAMCRO to make good on that promise to Alvarez in re: the rat. So it's Capering Time II: More Capering. Step One: Send Opie into the hospital in full Holy-shit-he's-scary biker drag; accessorize him with a bouquet. Step Two: Have him ask to see Gemma, then wait near the rat's hospital room so he can keep an eye on security. Step Three: Have Chuckie pull the fire alarm, then cavort like a lunatic until the security guards chase him. Step Four: Tig and Kozik rush into the unguarded corridor dressed as maintenance workers; they set their prop ladder right against the one security camera that can capture them. Whoops! No images on film now! Step Five: Have Tig and Kozik go inside the hospital room. As Kozik keeps guard, Tig tries to inject the rat's IV line with something lethal. The rat wakes up and sends Tig to the floor with a well-placed hit on Tig's apparently glass jaw. Kozik supresses his giggles as he rushes in to subdue the guy. There is some fumbling -- Tig lost his cyanide string when he went down -- but it all works out for everyone but the rat. Step Six: Get the hell out of there right as the security guards come back with Chuckie.

And now, the club is conducting a postmortem on that little operation. Tig's incisive analysis, delivered to Kozik at the top of his lungs: "Brains before bullets, asshole! You slammed the side of his head -- wham! If they see that, that's going to point to homicide." "And cyanide won't?" Kozik asks. "His heart stopped! Could be for 100 reasons. Even if they did an autopsy, it'll take days. We'll be long gone," Tig says. I just want to know when in this postmortem we're going to get around to answering the question, "Whose bright idea was it to team up Tig and Kozik? And who are they trying to punish?" The answer, it would appear, is "The rest of the club," as everyone's making the universal "I have a headache" gesture while Tig and Kozik continue to yell at each other.

The meeting goes even further downhill when the joined forces of the San Joaquin sheriff's department and Charming PD break in and tell everyone to get on the floor.

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Sons of Anarchy

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