Sons of Anarchy
To Thine Own Self

Episode Report Card
Sobell: A | 2 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
And The Truth Shall Set You Free

So Jax, Chibs, Happy and Tig have reluctantly torn themselves away from the whorehouse mixer for this one-time gun deal and it should surprise nobody who has ever watched this show that the whole thing is a cock-up that ends in gunplay and car chases. What makes this one special, however, is that the Sons are in a magnificent 1980s-style station wagon and they make that sucker fly like it's the General Lee. I now want to see a spin-off about a gang that eschews motorcycles for station wagons and terrifies a small town because they keep clogging the road with their land yachts.

Anyway, the whole thing is an enormous adrenaline rush for all the Sons, which explains why they insist on their hard, dirty, dangerous lives. For the kicks, man. The kicks! To quote a just-winged Happy, "I am rrrrrrrapturous!"

In the next scene, Chibs is busy picking glass and whatnot out of Happy's scalp and Jax is filling Nero in on what his passel of idiots pals were up to. He warns, "One thing I don't want is these half-bright cholos starting a war outside Charming." Bobby mutters something to Jax about Lin wanting to meet now, while Tig stares daggers at Clay. Jax is about to roll out, but he promises Nero he'll be back in time for a brainstorming session what to do about Gang of Idiots. As he walks out, Clay asks, "You give me a minute?" and Jax tosses off, "No." (It is my second-favorite "No" on TV; the first is at the 1:15 mark on this video.) "You really should," Clay says and that stops Jax in his tracks. He consents.

They're in Jax's office now and Clay lets Jax know that Romeo told him what's up with Otto; also, he's totally up to date on Romeo's CIA ties and the RICO case dangling like a sword over the club's tender neck. "I know that's why you didn't kill me," Clay says. "Yeah. My mistake," Jax replies, and really, this should be one of those Behold The King In His Power moments, but I am terribly distracted by the poster directly behind Jax, because it is in such spectacularly bad taste it's practically come back around to "good" again. It's like the zombie corpse of Herb Ritts took a photo of pantsless woman on a motorcycle, then handed a print to someone taking a Photoshop for Dummies class and said, "Hurrrrrrrrrrrugh! Arrrrrrrrrgh! Braaaaaaaaaaaaains! Also, put in some spot color just to make this look like a fancy illustration." I mean, I'm sure Jax is still talking, but I'm just riveted by how awful this thing is. Somewhere, there is a Spencer's Gifts where even the stoned cashier is all, "I cannot believe anyone bought that"

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Sons of Anarchy

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