Sorority Life
Battle Spoyale

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Jackass-es

Previously on bleh blah blah. Tiim asked Nicole out. Nicole lethargically said yes. The girls stole the bricks from the boys. Writing. Writing. Stealing. Running. Giggling. The boys try to break in. Writing on cars. Closet-case frat boy gets all pissed. Tim says something about the Mel Gibson movie Payback. And…credits. Who wants to be ordinary in a crazy, mixed-up world, in-fucking-deed, girlie.

House. Night. Nicole does her horrible hair and then gets ready to go out with Tim. They eat. Nicole, oddly, is telling Tim that she's glad that when they went out that first time, they didn't decide to put a label on it. Tim drinks his beer like, "Oh shit. The 'label' talk already? I haven't even felt her up yet." Nicole is really pretty when she smiles. Sorta pretty when she smiles. Sorta sorta. She then camera-mans that it's weird to be dating Tim when their houses are warring, and the sisters may not like her having this guy in her life but it's making her happy so fuck off! I think Nicole imagines herself in some version of Romeo and Juliet where the frat and the sorority are the Capulets and the Montagues. I hope she stops imagining that right this second. Then the pretty doppelganger of MamaStacey camera-talks that "sorority comes first," referring to Tim. That's bullshit right there. That is the exact reason, people, that you should run away from the Greek system. The house comes first? You can kiss my ass -- I'm going to college to run around and have fun, not to spend my nights doing bullshit stunts and follow orders like I'm an assembly line worker at a Daihatsu company in Kobe. See, I think Brooke has the right idea -- except for the whole "sleeping" instead of actually going out and having fun thing. MamaStacey goes on that she's worried that Nicole is going to reveal house secrets to Tim. Oh, Jesus. What she's really worried about is that someone in her house is getting laid, cuz it certainly ain't her. Tim now tells us that he knows Nicole is having a "tough time right now" and he's just trying to help her out; he enjoys "talking to her," he says. Oooooh, shit. Tim just likes her as a friend. Poor Nicole is going to get her ass hurt. Well, this should make her sisters very happy. And me, but just because misery makes for good television. They take photos in a booth as a crap song plays.

Buffalo. Buffalo. The kids are sitting in the student union, and Courtney is telling us how she saw Tim and some of the boyz fucking around and Tim went up these stairs that no one uses and a few minutes later she saw that their DZO pledge banner was missing and who else could have taken it down? Uh, if you saw Tim walking up there, why didn't you just, like, raise your eyes and look up to see if he was taking down your banner? I think she had her face stuck too deep into the delicious macaroni and cobbler they were serving that day. Maggie is talking, and I'm ignoring her. Mackenzie tells us that when the boys steal the banner, they're stealing directly from the sisters, which is a no-no in these Bullshit Greek Rules of Stupidity. Brooke is just sitting there not giving a shit. Nicole -- confident, because she thinks-she's-dating Tim -- says she'll go get it. A few minutes later, Tim comes over with a "compromise." They need a shirt signed by all the girls and then they'll give them back the banner in the morning -- it was an assignment, this bullshit. Back and forth. Back and forth. The boys talk. The girls talk. I nap. Nothing is decided.

Talia camera-snots that it's a really "sucky" situation because they don't like Tim and they feel that Nicole is choosing Tim over pledging and -- you knew this was coming -- she thinks that's "really disrespectful."

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Sorority Life

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