And it all boils down to numbing sameness. That loud noise you heard last Monday morning was the entire Hollywood community, including me, breathing a gigantic sigh of relief that the evil B/M's foray into "Reality Film," The Real Cancun, failed at the box office. (Oh, but don't think they won't try to get rid of narrative movies too. One bad one isn't going to stop them.) But even without reality films taking off any time soon, our sense of documentary is being irreparably screwed, to where an Errol Morris film is just going to look to us like an episode of Help! I'm A Celebrity. Get Me Out Of Here! and a well-done hour drama is just not going to have enough bleeped-out cursing and "real" drama for us to be entertained. And sure, sitcoms suck. Hour dramas suck. And maybe, just maybe this whole sad skid into "reality" will make the people who create our entertainment realize they have to do things better than they've been doing. But more likely, instead of taking the time to try to figure out exactly what that is, they'll be working on their pitches for The Greatest Ass In America.

Anyhoo.

No previously on… We open with little floaty Brady Bunch squares. Maggie tells us she thinks Nicole goes overboard with her "relationship" with Tim. Nicole giggles. Brooke says people get annoyed with Nicole always talking about Tim. Nicole laughs again. Maggie thinks she's in a cloud. Nicole gushes over Tim shame-buying her a rose on their "date." Julia porns that they haven't even kissed after four weeks. After four weeks with a guy, Julia's usually pretty much done everything that's ever been invented to do with a guy, and some that haven't been. Nicole deludes that Tim thinks the fact that they haven't kissed is a big "joke." (But not a "funny ha ha" joke. More like a joke that makes you think.) Julia wants Nicole to handcuff Tim and make him kiss her. Maybe if you have to do that, the dude doesn't like your skank face. Maybe think about that possibility. Brooke floats that Tim is full of crap. Nicole yells that she trusts Tim completely. Nicole is very high right now. She must have broken into Brittany's stash. Brooke wishes they'd just go off and talk about Tim together, since they both only talk about him. Maggie's Gigantic Boobies Of Hatred opine that she hasn't heard Nicole talk about Tim for three hours, but then again, she hasn't seen her in three hours. Ho ho ho. That's rich, Mags. Nicole talks, the Jessica Tandy old-lady twinkle in her eye gleaming, as she says, "It's Tim!" And then laughs at the camera, "Sorry." Feh. And credits. Theme. Sergio Myers hasn't even watched this show in a year. He just collects his ten-dollar MTV residual checks.