Sorority Life
It's In His Kiss

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Ode To Episode Nine

Anyhoo.

No previously on… We open with little floaty Brady Bunch squares. Maggie tells us she thinks Nicole goes overboard with her "relationship" with Tim. Nicole giggles. Brooke says people get annoyed with Nicole always talking about Tim. Nicole laughs again. Maggie thinks she's in a cloud. Nicole gushes over Tim shame-buying her a rose on their "date." Julia porns that they haven't even kissed after four weeks. After four weeks with a guy, Julia's usually pretty much done everything that's ever been invented to do with a guy, and some that haven't been. Nicole deludes that Tim thinks the fact that they haven't kissed is a big "joke." (But not a "funny ha ha" joke. More like a joke that makes you think.) Julia wants Nicole to handcuff Tim and make him kiss her. Maybe if you have to do that, the dude doesn't like your skank face. Maybe think about that possibility. Brooke floats that Tim is full of crap. Nicole yells that she trusts Tim completely. Nicole is very high right now. She must have broken into Brittany's stash. Brooke wishes they'd just go off and talk about Tim together, since they both only talk about him. Maggie's Gigantic Boobies Of Hatred opine that she hasn't heard Nicole talk about Tim for three hours, but then again, she hasn't seen her in three hours. Ho ho ho. That's rich, Mags. Nicole talks, the Jessica Tandy old-lady twinkle in her eye gleaming, as she says, "It's Tim!" And then laughs at the camera, "Sorry." Feh. And credits. Theme. Sergio Myers hasn't even watched this show in a year. He just collects his ten-dollar MTV residual checks.

Buffalo. Buffalo. Wow, I didn't miss this. Student Union. Maggie "interviews" Nicole. She asks what her perfect boy is. "Tim!" says Nicole. Maggie threatens to smack her. Well, at least she didn't threaten to puke all over her ugly face. Maybe Maggie is The Fly with her preoccupation with regurgitating on things. Maggie teases that a guy has usually kissed her after the first four weeks. Yeah, but I bet he already grabbed your boobies on the first date. Because really, what would be the point of going out with Maggie if she didn't let you touch her breasts? It would be like buying a pony but never riding it. Is that even a good analogy? I don't know. Sorority Life has stolen my funny. Dammit. Nicole, falling into a hair Catch-22 (ugly when it's curled, ugly when it's straightened), camera-sucks that Tim is the perfect guy for her because that's the typical guy she likes, someone who is sarcastic and doesn't care that much about her, but also does. Not only does that not make any sense in and of itself, but it doesn't make any sense in context of him being the perfect guy for her either. She just made no sense in one sentence, twice. It's mind-boggling. Someone should study the level of delusion going on with this girl. It's staggering.

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Sorority Life

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