You know all that I said last week about hating reality television and how scripted shows are the way? Well, I just got a peek at the shows being considered for the upcoming fall season. And I'm changing my mind. Give me more Punk'd!
Previously on. The Great Applebee's Discussion. Tim lies through his tuna melt that he doesn't want to kiss Nicole because it would take it to a whole new level. Nicole hears what she wants to hear -- that he's being a "knight in shining armor" by finding her too disgusting to kiss. Tim tells us he likes Nicole, but it doesn't mean he's not humping other girls. We see a ho-tage of him humping other girls. Nicole lies that she's not going to call him anymore, and then she runs down the stairs yelling, "Tim's coming over! Tim's coming over!" It would be sad if it wasn't so sad. Tim refuses to kiss her again, and Nicole camera-sads that it's making her like Tim even more.
Theme. Credits. Someone's taking "credit" for this? Brave.
Buffalo. Buffalo. Rafferty's bar, that famous nightspot. They have a sister event. Brooke throws darts. Stee falls in love. Julia sticks her titties out wearing some terrible pink sweatshirt -- though at least it's not airbrushed. Sister Laura tells us that Julia is really gung-ho about becoming a sister, but she worries about Julia's boyfriend Wagner. And we pan over to the disapproving-looking Wagner, a big black dude, who sits alone in a chair, looking equal parts bored and disgusted. Julia tells Wagner they have to go to the football game tomorrow. He can't understand why. Julia camera-porns that Wagner has been her best boyfriend "like…ever" -- and that's why it's been almost two years. They sit on stools and play slap-fast. Ah. True love. Julia babbles on about how she's going to spend time with both the sisters and Wagner, and she wants her lives to be intertwined.
At the house, Julia is studying with Wagner in her room. She runs downstairs and announces to the other pledge girls, "I want to take a break from helping him with his homework, and have sex." Ah. Nothing like getting sex from your tutor. That's just fantastic. And also: ew. And also, if you could have anyone help you with your homework, why would you choose Julia? Maybe he wants to fail. Or maybe he just chose the tutor that would for sure suck his dick when she got bored. The girls react. Maggie giggles. Nicole stares. Brooke is not amused -- she camera-talks that she finds it "sad" how brazenly Julia talks about sex. Julia says that it's only going to take five or ten minutes. Hee. Nicole says she's freaked out by the conversation, and someone says that she's one day going to ask Mackenzie to leave so she can have sex. Nicole smiles, picturing it being with Tim. Everyone else knows it'll just be with herself. Brooke, showing an oddly puritan side (still making me suspect she's a not-straight -- but then again, maybe she's just demure), says, "This is gross. Don't talk about it like that." And Julia responds, "Why? I'm going to get some dick." Brooke says she thinks it's just trashy and people can do whatever they want, but she just doesn't need to see it or hear about it. Julia runs upstairs to let Wagner give her his ring cycle. (Yeah. I'm sure no one got that.) "Ugh. I don't know. It's just gross," finishes Brooke.
Nicole calls Tim and invites him for a hot tub. "I'm such a loser," Nicole says when she hangs up. That's the first thing she's said in weeks that I haven't disagreed with. She camera-losers that she can't ignore boys though everyone tells her she should, especially with Tim. Now they hot-tub. "I'm hot," says Nicole. She's hot in a hot tub? Call the doctor! Tim says, "I've been telling you that for weeks." Okay. He is kind of playing her. They wrestle a little. The editing staff goes nuts. Then Tim yells up at the house for Brooke. Brooke isn't here, says Nicole. Nicole then drops a bomb on us: that there is a "Tim Likes Brooke" joke going on. What? She explains that it started when Tim and Alex called the house for Brooke. What? Why? And now Nicole makes sad passive-aggressive references to "Why don't you call Brooke?" all the time. We see Tim and Nicole hanging out, and Tim says something about Nicole wanting to see Brooke and Tim go at it, and Nicole I think mishears and thinks he's talking about watching Brooke and Nicole go at it (or she just hopes he is). It's all very confusing. She says, "Yeah. Am I right?" Which makes no sense after his saying, "What? You want to watch Brooke and me go at it?" Confusing. All of them.