Sorority Life
Jew Lez

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Oh, Sorority Life. Nicole Lives The Sorority Dream.

Equally confused is Brooke, who says she doesn't know what this whole Tim-likes-Brooke thing is. "Like, I'm not in on the joke, so it's not at all funny to me," says Brooke, with incredible even-headedness.

Alex and Earl, guys from Sigma Chai Latte, show up at the pledge house looking for Tim. Tim takes Alex up to Brooke's room, and both boys jump in and start smelling Brooke's sheets. Goddamn, that's disgusting, but mostly so mean to Nicole. Then Nicole does maybe the saddest thing she's done yet -- she leads them down the hall and says, "This is my room." Then inside she says, "Why aren't you jumping on my sheets?" The boys immediately turn and walk out of Nicole's room, bored. God. So sad. Nicole then tells us it makes her a little jealous, but -- and here comes some more self-delusion -- Brooke doesn't like either of them, so it doesn't bother her as much.

Buffalo. Buffalo. Wheelchair man juggles. Pigeons. A parking meter. Brilliant work, MTV. Brilliant. A tattoo parlor. The girls hang around. Julia is getting a tattoo. She continues her descent from trashy to just being, like, an actual piece of trash by displaying the awful tattoo she's getting. It's a diamond with her nickname, "Jewelz," in it. Seriously. It looks like something a carny would get to commemorate their dead midget friend. It's just strange. I'm sure her airbrushing friend drew it. The dude is confused on how to spell it, and writes it out on the paper. J-E-W-E-L-Z. He gives them the line about how the tattoo will be there for five or six years after Julia dies. So it'll be there until around 2020. Julia calls Wagner to tell him she's about to get the horrible tattoo he's going to have to look at every time they have sex.

Tattooing. The girls watch. Maggie offers to count down the letters. Then Mackenzie camera-talks that at one point Maggie whispers something to her -- that the guy is spelling it wrong! And then we see it. Holy shit. He's spelling it J-E-W-L-E-Z. Jew Lez. Hee. Goddamn, that's the worst mistake you could make. Maggie and Mackenzie trade off camera-mugging about the dude fucking it up. And during this, Julia even spells it again out loud, but Tattoo You doesn't figure it out. Brooke and Mackenzie both camera-talk about what it actually says -- both skirting the issue of what it actually spells now. Good friends.

The tattoo is done, and Maggie hopes Jewlez doesn't look in the mirror. She does, but she doesn't get it! Mackenzie and Maggie whisper outside whether or not to tell her, and they both decide to not tell her, to let her figure it out on her own. That's fucked up, yo. People, if you're watching me get some ink and you see that the motherfucker is doing it wrong, you stop him! Outside, the girls tell the smoking (not smoking hot, but smoking a Pall Mall) Brittany. Goddamn, she's drunk and high as a motherfucker. Seriously. I'm sort of worried about her. She's rubbing her face and shit. Even Meth and Redman are watching this going, "Damn, that girl needs to get herself into a program!" Brittany's three remaining brain cells agree not to tell. Melissa gets her ink done next, and they decide not to tell her either. Okay, also: if you watch someone get a tattoo and they spell it wrong, tell me so I can go to a different tattoo guy! Seriously. Tim is suddenly there, and he peeks through the window at Julia's tat. Julia doesn't know what's going on.

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Sorority Life

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