Sorority Life
Make A Run For The Border

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Take My Chicken Finger, We'll Make It I Swear

Previously on…Tim and Nicole fake-kiss. Nicole camera-desperates that Tim hasn't kissed her yet. Applebee's. He tells her he's not attracted to her, by way of employing the "whole other level" bullshit. Brooke says Nicole is being made to look like a fool. Nicole, sinking lower than any character on television since Jerry Orbach decided to make it ten years in a row playing the same incredibly dull part, intimates to Tim that she and Brooke will go down on each other if he'll agree to go to the Date Party with her. And theme. Credits. The Two Houses of Sergio should be condemned.

Buffalo. Buffalo. Uh…Buffalos. Sister house. Meeting. They're planning their Date Party. Amy's Twin Horns of Evil explain that it'll be across the border in Canada. Ah, so they can all drink. I hope Brittany doesn't try to sneak over some bud -- I heard a person could seriously waste away in those terrible prisons of Nova Scotia. Talia, since she has no personal sense of style, insists that the party is not formal! She explains crystal-clearly, "It's Date Party." Oh. Right. I'll just go to the Date Party section at my local Macy's. Thanks. Courtney explains that the menu is all set up. "It's all basically chicken fingers. Pizza...thingies. Little hot dogs." Oh my god, that's the best. This is a semi-formal party, Courtney, not Cousin Mikey's fifth birthday party. The two best parts are that they edit in Brooke going "wow" to the menu (which obviously was her reacting to something totally different, because not even Corky from Life Goes On would think that was an acceptable party menu) and how happy/proud Courtney got when she mentioned the little hot dogs. Courtney goes on to camera-talk about how she's in charge of the party and how everything, from transportation to decoration, is already set up. If the menu is any indication, I'm sure everything is top shelf all the way. Twenty-three skidoo! Courtney then says she still needs a DJ, and Julia offers that Wagner's little brother and his friends are DJ's. "DJ Butt Cheeks and Butterballs." Goddamn. Julia and Courtney should have a class-off. And you know what the best thing about Courtney and Julia is: those are just the women in her family who actually made it to college! I can't imagine what the less-motivated ones are like. Shudder to think. Everyone laughs as Julia then fellates her middle finger.

Buffalo. Buffalo. Traffic. Pledge house. Brooke complains that she doesn't have a dress or a date for the party. Julia tries to set her up with a boy, David -- selling him with such high points as: he can dress, he "takes" aerospace engineering, and "he won't just try to get in [her] pants." That last one is certainly a requirement for Brooke. Julia caps it off by saying that he's "mad smart." Brooke says she doesn't want a boyfriend, just a date. No kidding. Julia keeps with the hard sell, and Brooke is scared right off the car lot. "We'll see," she mumbles, which means, "Tell David he's going to be spending Saturday night alone with his telescope. Again."

Night. House. Brooke tells us that UB is "slim pickings" for boys. She is on the Princess phone calling Sean, her ex-boyfriend. Brooke had a boyfriend? Wha? Why? Sean can't take her because he has a "game." "Okay, I gotta go," says Brooke. "Thanks for nothing." Wow. You know, for as much as I like Brooke and think she's foxy and cool, I think dating her would just be the most tiring thing ever. Even Sean sounded tired just now on the phone, and he hasn't even dated her for month. He's still recovering. It would be like having mono. Brooke now camera-whines that she's distressed that she doesn't have a date for Date Party, because everyone is making her feel like she needs one. I sort of feel bad for her, but also, uh, it's called "Date Party." It's not like you didn't have warning. Brooke hangs up, complaining about Sean and his "frickin' games."

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Sorority Life

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