Sorority Life
Pledging Is, Like, Hard And Stuff

Episode Report Card
Heathen: D+ | Grade It Now!
Storyline Sahara

Hi everyone. After volunteering to pinch-hit for the incomparable Stee, I suddenly realized that I have, in fact, never watched this show. So I apologize in advance if there are some nuances I miss -- although, by expecting any nuance at all, I have a feeling I've set the bar a tad high.

Last time: A girl I don't have to deal with decided to quit. A girl I do have to deal with, Mackenzie, decided to join a sorority because she has no female friends, and she mistakenly feels like a house full of high-maintenance idiots will fill this void. And some girl named Julia is apparently very talkative.

DZO House. Pledge meeting. Apparently, the pledges have to stroke their sisters' egos by putting together a cheap notebook full of useless crap, including interviews with four DZOs. It's basically a third-grade arts and crafts project, which is totally over the heads of these girls, who look like they sniff the glue rather than use it. "Pledging is hard," Brooke camera-whines. She is feeling pressure to finish the book. Which is to say, her pledge book, and not One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish, although that one's giving her headaches as well. Bridgette bitchily demands that the pledges write letters explaining why they couldn't do sister interviews. "It's a lot of stress," Julia camera-nasals. Bridgette slams a pledge book shut and sneers at it. "I am FURIOUS that they don't have their pledge books done," she complains to us. In scene, she's gone totally red-faced, and I would suggest that her hair is standing up on end in fury, but that's just unfortunate styling. Some girl named Courtney exposits for us that the pledges have to do four interviews with sisters. It's mandatory. Bridgette adds that they don't want people who slack off. At the meeting, Bridgette complains that Julia's book is missing something. "It's on a different piece of paper," Julia explains. "And that's completely unacceptable," Bridgette snits. She prissily puts the book aside and makes a note in her journal, The Pantywad Chronicles. Stacey can't understand why they don't have the books done. Laura says it feels like she's being stood up, and that the pledges are wasting everyone's time, and then she goes on about how if they make appointments with the sisters, then they have to show up. Wait, so the pledges are bailing on meetings? I thought they were just not arranging the meetings. Nicole digests this. A bird alights on her hair. Mackenzie nods. Brittany blinks. Bridgette self-importantly decrees that from now on, it's a total insult if they don't do the interviews. Brittany's mouth hangs open at a weird angle; she looks drugged. Then her tongue totally pokes the inside of her cheek. I'm not kidding -- she's making the universal sign for blow job. She is suggesting that the sisters can suck it. I haven't been watching Fraternity Life, but I'm sure most of them already have. Bridgette concludes for our benefit that the pledges have to do stuff. Like, make books about how fascinating their hideous new "sisters" are. And if they don't, they won't get initiated.

Out on the balcony, Julia is asking some idiotic question or another. Stacey camera-crabs that she's uncertain about Julia, because she doesn't think Julia will shut up and baa like a good little sheep. Julia is blathering about interviews and how there are some people she's not comfortable asking for some chat time. Laura advises that it's how you ask: If you genuflect, for instance, it goes much better. And call everyone now so that they can pencil them into their busy, busy schedules. Julia shrugs that she's tried some people a few times. "She's used to having the freedom to do whatever she wants to do whenever she wants to do it," Stacey camera-dictators. "But that's not pledging." She doesn't think Julia can handle any kind of schedule.

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Sorority Life




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