Sorority Life
Ready, Set, Pledge

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The First Cut Is The Deepest

All right, Episode Two. There are only four episodes this season, right? No? Shit. Let's begin.

Previously…nineteen girls rush DZO, we're told. Flashes of the girls. Poor Amy. We never even got a chance to call you a shallow, mean bitch. Maybe some other time. Talia snots that they're looking for only six new girls so they have a smaller group they can "control." I hope she means "force to go down on me." (Kidding!) "Who will be chosen?" asks the graphic. We don't know. We see the voting. "The first round of cuts." They discuss Brooke. Brooke doesn't like kissing butt. That's sad to me. The girls vote. "Ten rushees are left going into the final round." Dramatic music plays, like this is the opening of ER. I keep expecting to see Maura Tierney getting wasted on tequila. Although I'm pretty sure I could go a few blocks from my house right now to actually see Maura Tierney getting wasted on tequila. They show us the girls again. Melissa, Julia, Sarah, Maggie, Mackenzie, Erin, Brittany, Brooke, Nicole, and Karissa. The others are gone. Janel tells us we have to impress her. Man, this girl is in for some rough waters ahead in her life. Almost makes me sad. Almost.

Credits. Theme. Five year-old art project. Sergio Myers is very proud of himself for creating this show. I'm not at all sure he should be.

Buffalo. Buffalo. Buffalo. Buffalo. Fast-motion clouds. MTV pays for a helicopter for some aerial shots. Actually, most likely, Sergio was flying in from New York and pointed his DV camera out the window of his Northwest flight.

Karissa makes her bed after a night of sex and talk about infectious diseases. She will be heartbroken if she doesn't get a bid. Erin's dead face tells us that she really wants a bid because if she doesn't, it'll mean they don't like her. Maggie and Julia make their own ozone hole over Buffalo with hairspray, while Maggie camera-talks that she and porn-star Julia went through this together and she doesn't think one would take a bid without the other. Julia just walks away. Melissa babbles. "Pref Night" is the last chance for the rushees to impress the sisters. "Pref Night," ExpoJanel tells us, means "Preference Night," when they decide who to give bids to. Janel reads her lines more stiffly than the corpse of Bob Hope telling us, "It's a Big K-Mart."

The girls sit around the house in nice clothes, as Colleen the Chair tells the girls that they'll be interviewed one by one in three different rooms. The girls all scowl. They're probably just pissed that there's no ice cream this time. Karissa is interviewed by Janel and the frowny redhead. Janel asks what Karissa's interests are. "I like talking about diseases and stuff," she monotones. All these girls need a speech class. Plus make-up class. And fashion class. And not-being-dead-in-the-face class.

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Sorority Life

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