Outside. Maggie is freaking out. Julia camera-whores that it's Karissa's night to be "DD." Sarah and Mackenzie and Julia stand around awkwardly as Maggie leaves a passive-aggressive message on Karissa's machine. Sarah then tells Maggie that Karissa is at Denny's with her boyfriend. (Sarah is jealous. About the Denny's, not the boyfriend.) Maggie instantly goes, "Excuse me while I throw up!" Heeeee. I freeze-framed it so her mouth is wide open and her eyes are closed and you can see the passive-aggressive spores flying out of her mouth, all the pain of her childhood and everyone teasing her because she got gigantic breasts when she was eleven -- you can see it all coming back at that one moment. It's beautiful. Maggie freaks more, and then says this gem: "I'm gonna throw up all over her fucking ugly face!" Yes! Awesome.

Pledge house. Day. On the front lawn, the pledges all discuss Karissa. Julia would only want Karissa there if she wants to be there. Huh? Karissa and Justin come walking up. Karissa is ready with her cell phone in hand. She immediately lies, "Maggie, did you leave a message last night?" Maggie says she did; she left two. Karissa lies, "Honestly, my phone did not ring." God hates you now, Karissa. Now more than ever. Maggie does her thing where she visibly tries to control her temper. Brittany slurs that some people get special treatment in the sorority, and she doesn't think it's fair…

You know, I just want to take a moment here to ask this question: How is this even television? How is this an entertainment show? I mean, think about it. Unless you're four, you didn't grow up on Survivor and shit. Don't you miss scripts and actors and, like, humor and art and pathos, and even a whiff of craftsmanship? Seriously. I mean, fuck, man. Enough.

Okay. I'm back. Maggie says she was up until six and has three tests and it was Karissa's turn to DUI the sisters around. Karissa just stares. She then tells us that she was getting very "discouraged about pledging" with Brooke gone. Uh, what does that have to do exactly with you pawning off your responsibilities to go eat some Moons Over My Hammy and then have bad missionary miss-you sex on your friend's futon? Karissa agrees to take over the DUI-ing for a while now. They bail, Karissa walking ten paces in front of the confused but used-to-it Justin. Man, he's so cheated on in two months, it's ridiculous. Hey, if Brooke had stayed conveniently across the hall, it might have just been one month.