Sorority Life
Timeo And Nicoliet

Episode Report Card
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God Is Mad

"Previously on." We meet Screech, who comes to visit girlfriend Karissa. They dance. We laugh. The SisterBitches tell Nicole that they hate her assumed boyfriend Tim, and that there might come a time when they don't allow her to talk to him anymore. Amy rubs her horns. Brooke depledges; she recants, thinking she's made a mistake. Maggie's Gigantic Boobies Of Hatred are furious. Opening credits. Did homegirl just have to write a fifteen-second song, or is this part of a longer song? Because, hell, I could write a fifteen-second song. What a sweet gig.

Buffalo. Buffalo. "Enjoy Buffalo in bloom," says a sign. Yeah, for those three months when it's not five below zero, Buffalo is very pretty. DZO pledge house. Brooke has lured Sister Laura up to her room for a private chat; Brooke is very disappointed to find the cameras there when they arrive -- the fun stuff will have to wait for later. So Brooke starts crying about how hard the other girls are making it for her now that she's returned. Brooke camera-boo-hoos about how Mackenzie and Maggie are being bitches. Karissa shows up, baby-talking and hugging Brooke, which is exactly what she wants, what she requires, in a roommate. Karissa says she wanted her back bad. Brooke wishes she'd lose the "back" in that sentence. Karissa breaks down the whole situation, saying that it's Julia, Maggie, and Mackenzie coming to them and saying, "We're the good pledges. You suck butt." Well, you do. Don't lie. God sees everything, Karissa.

Meanwhile, Maggie and Mackenzie bitch downstairs. When did Mackenzie decide to turn evil? I don't remember her getting the MTV memo. She tells Maggie that she's sick to her stomach about this and doesn't want to have to "bond" with them. (If I hear that word one more time…seriously. I refuse to see Tomorrow Never Dies because of this show.) With all the throwing up and stomach problems Maggie and Mackenzie keep having, maybe they should entertain the idea that it's not Brooke's fault -- maybe they have the flu. Or the SARS. ["I do what I can." -- Sars] MamaStacey pads into the room wearing a gigantic pink sweater that makes her look like a gay Yeti. She asks the girls if they're ready to start a meeting, but they both just lie down. MamaStacey knows why they're upset, and they immediately launch in with how they're upset and shaking. (See, again: the SARS.)

Upstairs, Brooke still cries on about it, blaming her own poor decision-making on others, saying that the bitches are acting like they own the thing and like they can kick her out, which they can't. Laura says they have to all learn to work together and that's what the bitches should be doing. While they talk, a fly is attracted to some smell on Brooke's fingers and keeps circling and circling. Ew.

Downstairs. Bond-talk. Bonds. Bond. Bonding. Bondage. Maggie camera-boobs that she doesn't believe Brooke's intentions for coming back, and she's skeptical.

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Sorority Life




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