Sorority Life
Timeo And Nicoliet

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God Is Mad

Upstairs. Brooke says she understands why they might have doubts, and that's fine. She then camera-talks about how she got tons of support for leaving but none for coming back, and it makes her want to stay even more. Ah, I know why Maggie was so pissed! She thought she'd be getting every drawer in the dresser, not just every other drawer. See. Brooke continues on about how she has as much right to be there as they do.

Downstairs. Maggie says she will "not" be their sisters, crying now. "If I want to throw up at the sight of them, I will not be their sisters." Ah, see there. First of all: don't try to be more than one "sister." No one can take on that task. Except, perhaps, for Stacey. And second: See, again: the SARS. MamaStacey looks on, catching a glimpse of herself every once in a while in the mirror above Maggie's head and noticing how pleasingly the pink sweater makes her look like a huge swirl of delicious cotton candy.

Buffalo. Buffalo. Whoa! Buffalo jump-cuts. How energetic and edgy and today. Student Union. Nicole, not being very sensitive to who she's talking to, tells Sarah, "That fat kid is blocking my view." Hee. Sarah asks "of who," and Nicole says, "Tim." Ew. Creepy. Nicole is sitting there staring at Tim. Gross. Nicole tells Sarah she can't go over and talk to him because Tim's brothers have forbidden it. Yeah, right. I'm sure that's what Tim told her. It's a really good tactic, if you don't want "the girl you get the occasional Range Rover handjob from who then thinks she's your girlfriend" to not talk to you in public. Great fucking ploy, Tim. Well done, sir. Nicole tells us, again, that she feels like Romeo and Juliet. Uh, except for the fact that Romeo actually liked Juliet. And also, Juliet was renowned throughout Verona for her beauty. Because this sorority is such a restrictive evil place, Nicole has to tell her entire day's plan to Spike; she tells her that she's going to class and then having dinner at four with Tim. Dinner at four? Oh, right. To save room for all the pizza at nine. Tim and Nicole leave. Shocking! Nicole told Spike she had class, but we learn that her class was cancelled! Ooh. Kick her out.

Buffalo. Buffalo. House. Brooke has again lured Sister Laura up to her room, but her sex plan has once again been foiled by Karissa and the cameras. Karissa bitches that she's not ready for this quiz they have to take. Laura camera-Lavernes that she's worried about Karissa not making it through the pledge process. She says that Karissa has a lot of schoolwork or something. Karissa then asks Laura if she can come to the sister house and take the quiz later, but Laura assures her that if/when she fails, she can take it again and again until she passes. Like the driving test. Or the bar. Or the TV Guide crossword puzzle. (Those are hard, y'all! "Gone With ___ Wind." Hard shit.) While Karissa bitches, the cameraman just swings over and shoots down Brooke's cleavage. Fine work. And then I realize Laura is talking again, telling us that pledging is hard, but once you become a sister, the time commitment doubles, and Karissa needs to realize that. Yeah!

Later. Pledge meeting. A Domino's guy delivers ninety-four pizzas and three pounds of buffalo wings to the house. Nicole arrives late, wearing these terrible Sheryl Crow sunglasses. They don't even work on Sheryl Crow, let alone Nicole-face. When Nicole sees that Brooke is back, she squeals, and she and Brooke almost start making out. Meanwhile, Maggie shoots hatred across the room, the whole time gnawing on some cheesy bread, trying to keep the bile down. She starts talking about how upset she is that Brooke is back, and she's kissing so much ass trying to get into the sorority and Brooke isn't doing the same, and it makes her feel like Brooke doesn't deserve to be there. God, Maggie is seven. In the worst ways. Isn't it hard to live your life so jealous and full of anger and resentment? Doesn't it take less energy just to sort of let things slide and concentrate on your own life? I'll let Maggie ponder that while the cheesy bread makes its way back up her esophagus. (By the way, I wonder where all this money comes from to have these dope houses and to always have so much pizza and sodas all over the place? It's just a local sorority, right? Don't email! Let me just live in wonder.)

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Sorority Life

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