Sorority Life
Timeo And Nicoliet

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God Is Mad

Buffalo. Buffalo. The pledges arrive at the sister house. Courtney opens the doors at does an evil laugh at all the girls, and then tells them to come in. She camera-Wiccans that the girls are not "bonding" as they should, so they're having a secret "bonding" ritual. Wow. All the bonding would not be so bad if they didn't say it in that accent. "Baaaaahnd." Bleh. The sisters corral the girls up to the attic. Karissa walks by the camera, her wrist fully bent, her hand hanging as if dead. Very funny. Talia camera-mucuses that the bahnding ritual is designed to "force" the girls into working together. Force -- great idea. Talia shuts the door on the cameras. The Graphic Of Stupid tells us: "Secret ritual. No cameras allowed." Ha. That's funny. Oh, no. They're serious? Oh. Well then.

We get a shot of the house as a bunch of sentences waft out all sound-altered. Maggie is complaining, and someone says there is no such thing as a perfect pledge. Great stuff. Very informative.

Day. Flower. Buffalo. Birds. And because this is reality TV and everything changes in two seconds and there is no real build of story or conflict, everything is suddenly resolved! Such utter bullshit. Maggie camera-talks about how now she realizes…Mackenzie says the event made her realize…Julia says she now realizes…the pledges are all meeting as one big stupid family now, doing arts 'n' crafts and playing games. Julia does tell us one bit of information -- that the sisters decreed that the girls can't "sleep out" anymore, so they have to bond with the other pledges. Well, Julia's going to have to change her life a lot.

We get a quick shot of the high-ass Brittany, drunk and high on everything in the house, including cooking sherry and paint thinner. The girls have to interview each other in order to baaaaahnd. Someone asks Maggie if she's ever been in a long-term relationship. She proudly states that she's been with some Jason dude for nearly a year. Everyone fake "awwwww"s and fake "yay"s. Brooke tells us that her fave singer is Bruce and her fave band is Pearl Jam because they're dreamy woooooooo! Someone says they also love Pearl Jam. Brooke ignores them. One of the stupid-ass questions is, "What's your favorite shit?" Ugh. "Dog," says Brooke. No, they didn't ask, "What animal do you most resemble?" (Kidding! Don't email!) Laughing. Laughing. Bonding. Bleh.

Car. Parked. Karissa is talking on her cell to Justin. She says that last night the sisters yelled at them for two hours. She babbles about how they kept saying, "You have to respect your sisters." And Karissa says, "I was all…whatever…bitch." Oooooh. Damn. She in trouble. Karissa camera-Gods about how it's hard to keep a relationship with her boyfriend with fourteen girls telling her what to do. She then goes on, in that voice she has that would make me want to jump off a fucking building, "You know what I've been thinking about lately? Having sex on your birthday. Every time I think about it, I think it would be good. Like, I know it would be good, but like…I think we should." Heeeeeee. Only that voice could make sex sound so unappealing. And also, God is mad now. We see a picture of the happy couple as Karissa tells us how she and Screech are made for each other and that's exciting and they're going to be together for a long long time. Yeah. Months, at least.

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Sorority Life

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