Episode Report Card
admin: B | 1 USERS: B+
"So when you're near me, darling can't you hear me, S.O.S.!"

Previously on Alias: Once upon a time, Sydney Bristow was a grad student by day and a spy by night. Her mommy and daddy were spies too, but she didn't find that out until later. Her bestest friend was a guy named Willage who started out stupid, but got smarter (and hotter) later. Her roommate was a girl named Francie who used to just sit around going, "Sure I believe you got a black eye and a broken rib while on a banking junket! Wanna see my restaurant?" But then some evil bitch shot her, and she brainwashed Will into thinking they had sex, and she was much, much more interesting.

Sydney's soulmate was a man named Vaughn, and he loved her the most, but he was shot a bajillion times in the chest not too long ago, so that made Sydney sad. Being pregnant also made Sydney sad, but mostly because Vaughn wasn't around and she woke up on a freighter in the middle of the ocean. Sydney might have been even sadder if she'd known that her own mommy was responsible for her being on that freighter in the middle of the ocean, but she's too busy trying to not go into labor to notice the hot, salty tears of impending motherly betrayal slipping down her face.

Before Sydney wound up sailing the high seas, she had adventures with Rambaldi, the Alliance, SD-6, The Covenant, Prophet Five, and The Horizon. But all that matters now is that Prophet Five is the group that killed Sydney's boyfriend and The Horizon is something they want. Sydney has a sister, but she's in a coma, so fuck her. Sydney's daddy is about to be a grandpa, Sydney's mommy is pretty much a bad guy, and if you think Sydney's boyfriend is dead, well then, children, you really DO believe in fairytales.

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