Sports Night
Bells And A Siren

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Bells And A Siren

This episode starts off with this girl in Dan and Casey's office, talking to Dan about some restaurant that is supposedly going to be the hot new place. Dan doesn't understand how that is even possible since the restaurant is in New Jersey, and I don't think Sports Night is so deluged with viewers that they can afford to casually take swipes at potential audience members. ["Neither does this Jersey girl." -- Sars] The girl, whom we've never seen before, urges Dan to trust her. It becomes clear over the ensuing dialogue that Dan has finally gotten around to hiring himself a publicist. This girl, Katherine, is the publicist's assistant. Or something. Dan wants to know who else is going to be at the restaurant, and Katherine lists a bunch of nobodies, including "the other girl who used to be married to Donald Trump" except she can't remember her name, and I don't think Sports Night is so deluged with viewers that they can afford to casually take swipes at Marla Maples. Dan turns up his nose at the guest list instead of realizing that it could be beneficial if he's the most famous person there. Then we get this long-winded thing about Dan seeing Maples in some Will Rogers Follies or something. Katherine looks as confused as I feel about what could possibly be the point of all this. Five minutes to air! Dan starts walking, Katherine scurries after him. Dan finally agrees to make an appearance. Now Katherine wants to know if they should have a car take them. Them? Is she a publicist or an escort? Dan jokingly suggest swimming across the East River. Katherine doesn't think it looks good showing up in your own car, and Dan says he wouldn't want people to find out he has a driver's license. He says it sarcastically. Katherine tells him they're going right after the show. "Yes, already!" says Dan, exasperated as his publicist attempts to publicize him. Katherine babbles on about how she's a very important part of his life now. No arguments here -- she's really cute. Dan contends he doesn't take her for granted, then introduces her to Elliot as his "publicist's secretary, Katherine something." "Brenner," says Katherine, "and I'm pleased to meet you." "She's in the tenth grade," says Danny, which was pretty funny, and Katherine looks on the verge of a tantrum and says, "I'm twenty-two years old!" Yeah, NICE TRY, sweetheart.

At the desk, Natalie shows up looking for Dana, and Danny directs her to the editing room. Katherine keeps bugging Dan to promise her he's not going to "flake out," like someone do this girl a favour and fill her in on Danny's mental breakdown tendencies. Dan tells her go watch Felicity or something, which I thought was pretty funny, and Katherine laughs because, as if, Felicity is on at eleven on a Thursday. Dan says he's out of the mainstream, so he better get himself to New Jersey "and stat," and walks off somewhere, leaving Katherine looking very confused again and opening and closing her mouth like a goldfish.

Natalie finds Dana in the editing room and starts going on about having tape of Juan Antonio Samaranch and blah blah blah obligatory sports reference, and Dana doesn't acknowledge her, and finally Dana looks around and says, "I'm sorry, was somebody speaking in here?" which most people left off doing to their siblings when they were nine years old, and this irritates Natalie, who says, "Look!" and Dana says, "Saturday Night Live?" with this "how lame are you?" smile on her face, and then "Saturday Night Live?" with this "how could you?" look on her face. Next we learn that Natalie has "just an interview" at SNL like shoot for the stars there, Natalie, and Dana says, "You have a job," and Natalie says, "Not for long." Dana says, "Who told you that?" Perhaps Sports Night should run "previously on Sports Night" clips at the top of the show, if only for Dana's benefit. Natalie points out Dana was the one who told us that. "That was before," says Dana. "Before what?" says Natalie. "Before the writers cooked up a supposed ratings surge," says Dana, and Natalie scoffs that there has been a ratings surge, much like I scoffed when I heard about it, and Dana says that there has been a ratings spike and then starts listing a bunch of technical ratings jargon to make us all believe she knows what she's talking about. "The tide is turning," says Dana, meaning Natalie should stay in the Sports Night boat instead of going on job interviews. "You told me to!" protests Natalie. Yeah. She also suggested you call Rick Rogers at Prime Sports, not that we'll ever hear anything more about that.

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Sports Night

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