So Mighty Big TV asked me to do a recap for this show called Sports Night. It's a television show about a sports show and the anchors and producers and various hangers-on. I used to do a recap for MBTV, but it was so long ago that I don't even remember what show I did. The last show I recapped, Sars was my editor. Now, it's some guy named Toenail Assassin. I'm going to miss Sars; she had this cute thing she did where she acted like she hated my guts. ["‘Acted’?" -- Sars] I'm sure T.A. will do a fine job -- and I'm going to make a comment about him because this is where Sars would interject with some witty quip to prove how much smarter she is than me, and I want T.A. to feel at home in my recap. So: Toenail? Ugh! What kind of name is that? (Insert your snappy comeback here, something like "Yeah! Toenail like a fox!") ["I took the editing for Sports Night this week, but I bet if Toenail were here, he’d say, ‘Assassinate this!’ Okay, so maybe he wouldn’t. Anyway, I’ll just leave you two boys alone from now on." -- Sars]
This episode starts with Casey trying to get some work done, and Dan pats his stomach and says, "this is Yehudi Menuhin" like he just ate Yehudi Menuhin or something. But what he means is that patting his stomach is the signal for Yehudi Menuhin, which clears nothing up for me. Casey wonders why they need a signal for Yehudi Menuhin, but Dan says Casey would be amazed at how many times it will come up. Then Dan starts rambling on about how he picked Casey first. Still no one explains what's going on. And I know this is some more of that trademark witty Sorkin dialogue, and that this dialogue is fairly realistic because in real life people don't speak as expositorially as they do on most television shows, e.g. "Boy! That sure was a great basketball game we just went to at Boston Garden because I'm trying to impress this new girl I like!" But I don't know how often in realistic dialogue between sports journalists the name of an Israeli violinist comes up. Anyway, I am bored already and I just want them to get to Paula Marshall: Porn Star. Dan natters on about how choosing Casey for his team is a brotherly thing. Casey promises not to let him down. Dan is all obsessed-tennis-dad quizzing Casey on the ONE signal they have. He is very high-strung and barks at Casey after Casey suggests making a playbook. Dan says he could have picked Dave first but he chose Casey, and I really bet Casey is glad about that. Now Casey gets insulted because he infers that Dave is better than he is, otherwise Dan wouldn't have considered picking him first, so Dan placates him by saying that choosing Casey first was a sign of confidence and that Dave is on Natalie's team. Anyway, here are the teams. Dan's team: Casey, Chris, Kim (woo hoo!), and Isaac. Natalie's team: Dave, Dana, Elliot, and Will. Hmmm. That means Natalie has three Tertiary Characters to Dan's two! Oh no! Bum bum bummmmm (shocking realization sound effect). No, wait, it means that Jeremy is not on either team! Oh no! Bum bum bummmmm. Then Casey does the signal for offensive holding! Rectangle Head is such a cut-up! So Dan, exasperated, as they walk towards the set (did I mention this was a Walking While Talking scene? Because it is), spies Natalie and proposes a straight-up trade, Dave for Casey. Natalie tells him tough, he lost the coin toss, so Casey now knows he wasn't the first pick and is a little miffed. Natalie says to Dan, "You're going down tonight," and I guess she doesn't get the chance to say that too often these days, what with Jeremy out of her life now. Dan is excited that she's talking trash, but Dan's done talking because this scene has been officially handed off to Natalie, who then pulls Dana from the control room into the hallway.
It seems that the Sports Report's 100 Most Influential People (whatever) list is coming out soon, but it has been leaked. Turns out Casey is number 92, but Dan isn't on it at all. Unless Casey has some other gig going on the side, I fail to see how a list could pick one co-anchor over the other, but I guess this episode needs a plot that doesn't involve Yehudi Menuhin already. Where the hell is Paula Marshall: Porn Star anyway? Dana and Natalie bicker about who's going to break it to Dan. Natalie won't. We find out Natalie lied and told Dana she picked her first. But Dana doesn't buy it and Natalie fesses up.