Sports Night
Dana And The Deep Blue Sea

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Daniel: B | 1 USERS: A+
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She's afraid of Abe Vigoda?

In the first thirty seconds after we come back, Dana says "I'm going snorkeling" about 800 times. She says it while she's trailing Casey, who's wandering around the newsroom and yelling out stuff like how bad it would be if someone brought him the "Albert Belle film" because then he might be able to get some work done, and if he's got time to bellow orders at all the underlings, you'd think he could get the damn film himself. He's not paying any attention to Dana whatsoever, which is why she has to keep following him and pathetically repeating herself. She's going snorkeling the weekend after next with Gordon and three other couples, and she's badgering Casey into telling her he thinks it's a good sign, which he does, because it looks like he finally gets the sense that this is really important to her, as sad as she's behaving right now. But unlike me, Casey can walk away, which he does, and Dana pounces on Natalie and says, "I'm going snorkeling!" about 500 more times as we get an exact repeat of things with Casey -- Natalie trying to work, Dana tagging along. And Natalie says "it's great" that Dana's going snorkeling and Dana says "isn't it?" about a dozen times, and we're halfway through this episode already and all it's been so far is Dana feigning enthusiasm, so, Sorkin? We get it. And by "we" I mean those of us who haven't already thrown a brick through our televisions. Which I actually did, so in one way I kind of owe my brand-new television (my mighty moderately-sized television) to Dana's yammering. And since we all know Dana's going to pull an about-face on her snorkeling excitement, I wish we could just skip right to it.

Finally Dana tells Natalie, "You have to help me." "Why?" says Natalie. "'Cause I'm going snorkeling," says Dana. You know, this is what it sounds like when doves cry. Natalie, who sounds like she had a bit of a cold when she did this scene, is trying to suss out exactly what the deal is. Dana admits that she's afraid of fish. No, she didn't have a bad experience with fish or anything. "It's just the way it is," says Dana, which I guess translates into "what contrived obstacle to happiness can we place in front of our heroes this week?" Natalie doesn't understand what the big whoop is. But Dana says it's a big deal that Gordon asked her to go, because the "smart money" said he was going to dump her. That's a bad thing...how? Then Dana completely loses her mind and busts on Natalie for not being happier for her. Dana's also surprised that Natalie isn't still harping on her being secretly in love with Casey. Natalie says she's letting that go -- but we know that's not true, don't we? Dana starts going on about how she can't not go snorkeling, because it's Gordon's opinion that she doesn't give enough of herself. You know what? I don't know any guy who devises relationship tests like this. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, and maybe it's because Gordon's got like fifteen years on me, but I really think this is more of a woman thing. I've been given the old plant test. You know -- see how well he looks after a living thing? She gave me a fig tree for Christmas. It died. She's gone. Closest a guy comes to anything like that is maybe we don't mind looking closely to see how a woman eats a Popsicle, but that's not really the same thing. A woman can't fail that test; there's really no wrong way to eat a Popsicle. Oh, and before this scene ends, Natalie has gone back on her promise to drop the secretly-in-love-with-Casey crap. "Oh, I should have seen that coming!" says Dana. Yes, she should have. Even my neighbour thumped on the wall and said, "I bet Natalie says Dana's secretly in love with Casey!"

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