Sports Night
Draft Day: Part I – It Can't Rain At Indian Wells

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Draft Day: Part I - It Can't Rain At Indian Wells

Casey and Jeremy start Walking While Talking. Casey starts running his predictions by Jeremy, who wonders if Casey knows something about Castro's knees. As they walk on set, Casey throws his arms up and yells, "Hey hey! Draft day, baby!" And everyone whistles and applauds Casey's cleverness. Jeremy says, "Yes indeed, baby!" and is greeted with silence save for someone coughing in the background. Jeremy starts whining about how he can't say "baby." Or "dang." Life sure must suck for Jeremy. Casey changes the subject and says, "Say, Jeremy," which I guess is Sports Night code for "I hear you're dating a porn star," since right away Jeremy says, "Dan told you," and he calls that "predictable," but Casey wants to discuss it in depth so he hustles Jeremy into the editing room. "You're dating a porn star?" he says, a little too loudly for Jeremy's comfort, since he shuts the editing room door. Jeremy confirms it. "What's her name?" asks Casey. "Her real name or her screen name?" asks Jeremy. "Her screen name," says Casey. "Well, I won't tell you that," says Jeremy, like why did you even bother differentiating, Jeremy. Jer says her name is Jenny and he really likes her. Then Casey asks if she likes sports. "She likes sports. We talk about sports," says Jeremy, which, judging from the reaction, gives Rectangle Head a boner. But Jeremy doesn't really want to talk about it all that much and leaves the editing room. Casey stops him and points out that while Jeremy may not be talking about it, other people are. Jeremy is aghast, but relaxes when he finds out that only Casey and Dan know Jenny is a porn star. Yeah, I'd trust those two with my secrets. Everybody else just knows Jeremy is seeing someone else (except for Isaac, I guess). Casey says, "I'm just sayin'." Jeremy says, "Natalie." Casey says she knows Jeremy is seeing someone, but Jeremy might want to say a word to her so that the healing process can begin; I'm not really sure I understand Casey's logic here, but I'll go along. Casey says there are "icicles" hanging off the ceiling and that there shouldn't be so much tension on draft day. Casey calls himself the ad-hoc director of morale. Jeremy wants to know when that happened. "Well, it was ad hoc," says Casey, which was kind of funny. Jeremy promises to speak to Natalie. They walk back to the set, and Casey wants to know if Jenny was in Deep Throat. "Yeah, Casey, I'm dating a porn star who's a contemporary of my grandmother's," Jeremy says, and I will thank Jeremy to never again use a sentence containing both "porn star" and "grandmother." Casey says he has to get to the video store more often. Be careful, Casey. You don't want to go blind again.

In his office, poor Isaac is preparing for his one and only scene this week by sniffing a cigar. Too bad for him said only scene is one in which Dana harasses him the entire time. She storms in carrying bags and appears to be either drunk or happy. Isaac quickly hides the cigar in his humidor (good hiding place for a cigar) and slams it shut. He asks Dana, "What happened to your face?" Dana, of course, is bugged that Isaac actually noticed the Buick-sized bandage on her chin. "I fell on my face," she says. "Literally?" asks Isaac. "Can you believe the metaphor?" asks Dana. What? What is she even talking about? I know what a metaphor is, but Dana's question makes no sense to me. Anyway, nothing can get Dana down on draft day! She reveals that her bags contain t-shirts that she had printed that say "I survived draft day at Sports Night," and she's proud of herself for playing on the words "day" and "night." "Oscar Wilde would have been proud," says Isaac, which made me laugh, even though it's Beckett that a later scene rips off. Then Dana tells Isaac that next year he has to make the network execs let them cover more than one round of the draft. Isaac is trying to tell her something, but Dana, astonishingly, won't shut up. Finally, he just hands her a fax, which for some reason is rolled up and tied with a ribbon, like Isaac's giving her a diploma. After more annoying comments from Dana, she reads it, and it says that rain at Indian Wells (tennis tournament) might force the network to stay on the air with the draft past the first round. Dana is excited instead of pissed at Isaac, since I would think the executive producer might have to prep some extra coverage if needed, but no, Isaac rolls up the fax and ties a ribbon around it and waits for Dana to come to his office. Dana does a dance that really cracked me up and says, "We're going to cover the second round!" "If it rains," cautions Isaac. "Make sure it rains!" instructs Dana. She scurries off to get everybody ready, just in case. "The t-shirts? Are a hundred percent cotton!" she squeals, and I take back what I said before about Dana's love for draft day being sad, because her enthusiasm was charming and certainly much more enjoyable to watch than her usual quirky brand of neurotic obsessing.

At the desk, Natalie is going over where the correspondents are while Dan practises his golf swing. He tells her, "Golf is fifty per cent mental," and Natalie says, "I'm beginning to think so are you, Dan," which is a truly compassionate and sensitive thing to say to the poor guy. Dana, still giddy, comes skipping up with her t-shirts, and Dan says, "How you spend your time and money sometimes amazes me," and Dana graciously says, "I got a deal," and Dan is still pissing in those cornflakes and says, "Please tell me they were free," and Dana is a little hurt and says, "I thought people might like them!" and Dan, still swinging his golf club, says, "Absolutely, now if you just bring out the juice and crackers --" and Natalie wisely interrupts him and asks Dana what's going on, but it's too late. Dana says, "Man, Danny, no wonder Casey can't stand you these days!" and Dan just laughs that off and keeps swinging. Dana tells Natalie about Indian Wells. Now, of course, Dan finds it prudent to pay attention. Dan says he can't stay on the air if they go later with the coverage, because he's playing golf this afternoon with David Duval, and Dana points out that he plays golf with Duval three times a year. Dan says he's playing that afternoon. "Not if it rains in Indian Wells," says Dana, and I fall out of my chair when Dan says, "I don't care if it snows in Saskatchewan," and unlike last week's Newfoundland reference, I do believe this would be the shout-out to me here in my Moose Jaw apartment. Woo hoo! Dan figures Casey can handle the second round by himself. Dana agrees, but says it's better if he has a partner. "Better for who?" asks Dan, cynically and ungrammatically. Dana gives up and tells Natalie to take care of it, because Dan is more likely to listen to Dana's minion than he will to Dana herself. Dan complains that it's his thirteenth day in a row working and says he won't stay, and he goes back to practising his swing as Natalie leaves and we go to commercial.

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