Previously on Sports Night: Aw, screw it. You guys know what happened previously.
This episode starts off smack-dab in the middle of draft day coverage, with Casey talking about a 6' 7" 325-lb offensive lineman who can run the 40-yard dash in 4.4 seconds, which is pretty fast for a big guy like that, and Dan concedes that that's true, but any play designed for an OL to run forty yards is probably ill-conceived. No hint of any tension! Whew! Glad to see that blew over!
Cut to Isaac's office, so we know we're going to get the Weekly Whiner segment, and I'm considering starting up a pool on the MBTV boards so people can place bets on who is going to come to Isaac with their problems each week, and this week, it's -- Jeremy! Jeremy says to Isaac, "Fire me," which distracts Isaac from the television. "Why?" asks Isaac. "I'm a bad worker," says Jeremy, which Isaac disagrees with. "I come in late, I leave early," says Jeremy, and Isaac reminds him that the opposite is true. "You come in on your days off," says Isaac and Jeremy seizes on that and says, "And isn't that a little weird?" and Isaac admits it is, but won't fire him and tries to go back to watching television. Jeremy starts getting desperate and says he says things about Isaac behind his back, which Isaac doesn't believe, so Jeremy says he'll save Isaac the trouble and offer his resignation; Isaac reminds him he's under contract. The counter on my VCR says one minute, thirty-three seconds and Jeremy has already sent me zooming past my Annoyance Threshold for this week, although I did kind of laugh when Jeremy hopefully said, "I'm a racist," and made this "yeah, that'll do it" face. Isaac decides to play along with this one. Jeremy says he's been in the closet all this time but it's time to live an honest life, and then he goes into John Rocker mode and suggests that "all the people with the different skin colours and funny accents should go back to where they came from and leave America to the white people who killed the Indians in the first place, which they deserved," like who knew racism was so gut-splittingly funny? Jeremy says the country is being taken over by the blacks and the Jews, and Isaac reminds Jeremy that he himself is Jewish. "Well, I've got to be stopped!" says Jeremy, which was also pretty funny. But Isaac is getting tired of this and says "Jeremy," and Jeremy throws up his hands and says, "I'm totally screwed!" like maybe Jeremy and his porn star girlfriend have more in common then we realize. ["Zing!" -- Sars] Commercials.
Back from commercials, Jeremy says his "I'm totally screwed" line again, albeit a little less dramatically this time, and then we get an extreme tilted close-up of Jeremy rubbing his eyes. "Porn-star problems?" asks Isaac astutely. Jeremy explains about Jenny coming to visit and Natalie not knowing what she does. Jeremy spazzes about Isaac's continued usage of the phrase "porn star" instead of the more genteel "adult film actress" or simply "Jenny," which is a fair point: "Is it important that we say 'porn star' as many times as possible? Can we have a civilization for crying out loud?" Whatever that means, and Jeremy stands up, getting upset. Isaac wants him to calm down and wants to know why, if this bothers him so much, he asked Jenny to come. Jeremy explains blah blah about being open and honest about her. I don't know why Sports Night even bothered with the "previously" scenes at the top of the show, I mean I know this is Part 2, but stuff always continues from week to week and the writers have always used scenes like this one to explain past stuff. "I told her to come here today so she can see I'm not the person she thinks I am," says Jeremy. Isaac, wanting to get to the point, says, "And?" and Jeremy says, "I'm exactly the person she thinks I am." Isaac considers this and says, "Well, that's not too bad," which made me laugh for some reason. Jeremy explains about asking Jenny to come when he figured Natalie would have gone home, and I think Isaac would be way better off just reading my recap for last week, since reading it would take much less time than listening to Jeremy blather on and on, and then we wouldn't have to put up with Jeremy bitching about tennis players (at Indian Wells) who can't play in the rain on clay courts. According to Jeremy, that lack of tenacity is more evidence of the decline of today's civilization. Oh yeah, Jeremy told Natalie that Jenny is a choreo-animator. WE KNOW ALL THIS, LET'S KEEP IT MOVING, PLEASE. Can we please get to Danny's meltdown? No wonder Dan is going off the deep end, working with this pinhead. Jeremy repeats his request to be fired, but Isaac refuses, and Jeremy decides to call him "Sambo" to his face, which just causes Isaac to crack up at how ridiculous Jeremy is. Jeremy turns to go and says, "I didn't sell it," which was funny, and the interminableness of this scene is redeemed somewhat when Jeremy says, "How do the real racists do it?" and Isaac says, "It's too late for you, son, you need to be taught by your parents," and Jeremy finally goes back to work.
Back at the desk, it's Pittsburgh's turn to make a selection and the anchorknobs break. While various Lesser Tertiary Characters fuss about them, Casey all olive-branch-offeringly says Dan's line about ill-conceived plays for offensive linemen was funny, and Dan doesn't even look at him and is pretty brusque. Casey, undeterred, says, "Look," and Dan says, "Drop dead." Without looking. Then Dan says, "You owe me an apology, jackass, and until I get one, keep your reviews to yourself," stuffing the olive branch as far up Casey's ass as it will go. Casey says "I'm sorry" (twice) and he looks sincere to me, but Danny doesn't buy it and tells Casey so. Rectangle Head has had enough and says, "I am, in fact, I'm so sorry it's hard for me to think of different ways to say 'bite me.'" Danny says, "I think you've come up with quite enough for one day," but Casey doesn't think so, surprise surprise. Casey stands up and wants to finish the conversation somewhere else, but Danny petulantly says that he wants to stay out there lest he miss another second of Draft Day 2000. "Get your ass back here," says Casey, tiredly. Oooh! He said "ass"! I think NYPD Blue's proximity to Sports Night is starting to take effect. The two of them shuffle off to a private corner and Casey lectures Dan for a while about how his "hissyfit" (which is such a shoutout to Wing Chun) over not getting to play golf sends seismic shockwaves through an organization of people who are under the impression they enjoy doing the show together. "It's not my job to make sure everyone's having a good time," says Dan, "and if it is, I need to be paid more." Casey self-righteously says he manages to do it whether it's a part of his job or not, and Dan points out that Casey is in fact paid more. Casey, sensing a sore point, twists the knife and says, "Well, I'm paid considerably more, Danny, is that what you want to talk about?" Dan says he finds it baffling since they each do half the work. Casey muses sarcastically, "Well, maybe it's because who knows when you're going to decide you'd rather play eighteen holes than anchor team coverage?" which is a good point, other than the fact that Dan did not in fact blow off the show to play golf. Dan, pissed, wonders if Casey is at all interested in a life outside the studio. "Not really," says Casey, "but when I do decide to step out, will you be the one to show me how it goes, since your life is so hot, Danny?" Hey, at least Dan goes to Tom Waits concerts. Is it me, or does Casey look a little turned on right here? Dan starts smirking and walks away. Following him, Casey wonders if they didn't already have enough to fight about that Dan had to bring up the money. Dan apologizes for bringing him down on draft day, but just between you, me, and the fencepost, I don't think he means it. He suggests Casey go to the control room to pick up the troops to make himself feel better.