Sports Night
Kyle Whitaker's Got Two Sacks

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Daniel: B | 1 USERS: A+
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In the control room, Dana gets off the phone and Jeremy tries to tell her about the shot sheet, but she brushes past him and heads out to the desk. "Casey, what do you know about Ohio?" she asks; he says, big surprise, "Nothing. What's going on?" "Something about football and drugs," she says. Casey sarcastically says that sounds unusual and is also sarcastically enthused when Dana tells him to come in early tomorrow and "work the phones." Walking back into the control room, Dana is again accosted by Jeremy, who tells her he's going to slide Phoenix to the fifties. "Stand there, I'm going to sack you," she says. Jeremy tells her he needs just a moment of her time, then she can go back to being crazy. Natalie senses that something is wrong and asks, "What's going on?" Jeremy starts to tell Dana that he's going to put together a shot sheet, but Dana gets called away by some Extra, so Natalie turns her nosiness beams on full, although I guess she is a producer, so it is her business. She already seems to know the problem and says, "You're firing him tomorrow." "Can we talk about it tomorrow?" says Jeremy. Natalie tells him Jeremy can plead his case tomorrow, she will tell him for the hundredth time why he is wrong tomorrow, and Jeremy will fire him tomorrow. Dana skips back in, giddily bragging again about her brother sacking the quarterback twice. Then she defines what a sack is, much to the annoyance of Jeremy, who is now grouchy. "He has excellent blood," says Dana. "Whatever," says Jeremy, as the two of them settle in for the show.

Dana says into the mic, "Casey, you got we're sliding Phoenix to fifty?" "I can call it blind," says Casey. Cut to a wide shot of the control room as everybody in unison looks up and says "no!" Casey whines about the lack of appreciation for the days of yore. Commercials. Now would be an excellent time to consider some major plot points so far revealed. Dana brags about her heretofore-unmentioned football-playing brother and his "excellent blood." Casey will be working on a story about football players and drugs. Hmmm. I wonder if -- oh, there's the door. Must be my Chinese food. Almond chicken, wonton soup, and foreshadowing fried rice. Mmmm. Tasty!

Back from commercials, Dana is asking Natalie permission to sack her. Mmmm. This rice is tasty! When Natalie won't let her, Dana says, "My brother can beat up your brother." "My brother is a grad student of comparative literature, my mother could beat up my brother." Heh. Dana, at a rare loss for words, looks around. The rest of the cast look away, probably hoping she won't brag about her brother some more, as the proud big sister has been known to do all episode. Casey walks in and tells everyone that "Jack Kaufman's wife" was brought in for questioning two days ago when a pharmacy in Columbus, Ohio, alerted local authorities. Seems an unusually large number of prescriptions were being written in her name for "fentermine." We learn (well, I learn, anyway) that it's a diet pill, and the "fen" in "phen-fen." "Is Mrs. Kaufman overweight?" asks Dana. "5'8", 114 pounds," says Casey. Uh, to be honest, I'd be a little more suspicious if she were getting all these diet pills and were still overweight, but never mind. Dana then expresses jealousy over the woman's weight. Well, isn't that just like a woman, eh, Sorkin? Casey, all down with the lingo, says Kaufman "rolled over" on the internist who's writing the "scrips." Did she turn in the players she was getting them for? Yes, although she was a "tough nut to crack." Is my use of quotation marks annoying anyone here? I promise I don't make "air quotes" with my "fingers" or anything like that. Nobody asks who the players are, although that would be my first question. Casey says there are also scrips for pendizone. "Oh, man," says Dana, sitting back in her chair, but Natalie doesn't know what it is, so Casey laterals to Jeremy, who might be the office pusher with his encyclopedia-like knowledge, who says the drug has been around for about a year and a half and is one of the world's most powerful oral anabolic steroids. Now we get around to the who, but Casey doesn't know. He says he has an off-the-record source backed up by another off-the-record source that says seven starters from one team are about to be suspended for the rest of the season, including playoffs. "Can we have it tonight?" asks Dana. "I'm on the next plane to Ohio," says Casey. So they need a replacement for the desk. "Get Tina," says Danny. Natalie's head whips around far too quickly to not be painful. "Why Tina?" "Why not Tina?" "She's a woman." "I like women." "No kidding." "Tina's fine," says Dana, smiling a little. Casey gets up to leave but pauses to tell everyone that, "Last night? I could have called it blind." Everyone, in unison, says, "Go!" "I'm just sayin'," mutters Casey as he leaves.

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