Sports Night
Kyle Whitaker's Got Two Sacks

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Sisterly Love

As Jeremy leaves the meeting room, he is followed by Natalie, who sings, "Oh, Jerome!" Jeremy, annoyed, wants to know why she calls him that, and she says it's because it's his little-boy name, a little boy too scared to fire one of his people. "You think I'm scared?" says Jeremy. "Scared chicken!" says Natalie. Come on! I heard they said "shit" on Chicago Hope once; can we get a "shitless" over here, please? Natalie wants to know how often this guy can screw up before he gets canned. "This isn't a regular situation. He's related..." says Jeremy. "I know who he is," says Natalie, "and I'm telling you he's not up to the job, on top of which he has a bad attitude. Now go show him the door." Jeremy complains that she's been bossing him around a lot lately and has to be reminded that she is, in fact, his boss and we are reminded that on this show, no one is at all antsy about the possible consequences of sleeping with your boss. It must give all the up-and-coming producers under Jeremy real hope that there's any room for advancement as long as Natalie is calling the shots with her boy-toy at her side. Wait, Jeremy a boy-toy? Never mind, I'm clearly delirious.

Abby's office. Dan sits on the couch digging through a bowl of candy or something. Neither he nor Abby say anything for a while, until Abby says she's starting to feel the sessions are a waste of Dan's time and money. Dan says she's being a little hard on herself. "No, I'm being a little hard on you, Dan." Oh, it's the patient's fault he's not getting better. Dan says he doesn't feel his time is being wasted, although she does charge an awful lot of money -- $700 a month. Dan, in his inimitable style, says that for that much, he should get "the shrink, two rooms and a bath." Abby half-smiles. "Is it important to you that you get every attractive woman you meet to like you?" she asks. And of course we all know Dr. Babe is referring to herself here. Dan says it's important that the unattractive ones like him too. "Why?" asks Abby. "Don't you want people to like you?" says Dan. Abby says she does, and many do, and she doesn't worry about those who don't because many do. Dan says it's easy for her to say that because she looks the way she does. Okay, can we stop it with this "Dr. Abby as ethereal beauty" stuff here? I mean, she's cute, but she's not, I don't know, Jennifer Lopez or anything. ["If you think I'm touching that, think again." -- Sars] Abby asks Dan if he thinks that if he were better looking, he wouldn't have to work so hard to get people to like him. Dan says "no," but from Abby's question I don't know if it was an agreeing "no" or a disagreeing "no." "You think you're good-looking?" asks Abby. Oh, here we go. "I think I'm all right," says Dan. "'Course you do, you can't get over how good-looking you are," says Abby, making me laugh. She posits then that this "thing" (about needing people to like him) must come from inside him, and it's something so fundamentally bad that Dan thinks he has to overcome it or cover it up, lest the whole world run away from him, not unlike two other people Dan knows. He says she always comes back to his parents at the end of every session. "Session's over," says Dr. Punchclock. "What was the point of this?" asks Dan. "In the long run, to relieve you of the pressure of getting people to like you. In the short run, to tell you this: stop trying to get me to like you." He denies it, but she scolds him for flirting with her; she wants him to take this seriously. Uh, isn't his incessant flirting really a part of the problem here? I mean, I thought the point was that he can't help himself and that it's up to Dr. Babe to help him with this. I'm no doctor, but this seems kind of like an oncologist getting annoyed with a cancer patient and saying, "Stop having cancer so I can treat you." Anyway, Dan says he does take it seriously and that he wasn't flirting: "I'm a charming guy, it's not something I can control." Heh. You and me both, brother. Abby kind of sighs. Dan says they could end the whole thing if she'd just admit she likes him. "Not going to happen," says Abby. "I remind you that it is my money," he says. "And I want you to bear in mind that you're the patient, I'm the doctor, and you're in pain." Dan says he has no problem remembering that last part. As he leaves, he tells her to watch him on television tonight. When she asks why, he says, "You'll like me." She says she'll see him next week. "That was a joke," he says. "You know what? It wasn't," she says. Commercials.

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