Sports Night
Pilot

Episode Report Card
Daniel: D | 9 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
Pilot

The next day, Dan is collecting money from people in the newsroom for some bet he won, and he's also slapping high fives all around. Casey tells him that "Jason Grissom got arrested in a strip bar in Houston last night," and that Kim and Elliot are on it. Dan asks them what's up. Kim says, "He shot twelve for fifteen from the field and then he went to the Silver Key," which she says is a nude nightclub. Elliot grouchily says, "Topless only," and Kim gives him a bit of a look. Dan gives them some helpful instructions for getting the story like, "Get Grissom on the phone," and Kim says they can't do it. Nice attitude, Kim.

Dan walks into his office and Casey makes a comment about Grissom having a career-high 32 points and then sending a guy to the hospital. "Can you imagine if he'd had a lousy game?" asks Casey. Dan chuckles, then asks Casey if he came in early. Casey says he did, but Dan doesn't believe him, and Dan's theory is that Casey slept in the office. Casey calls him "Mom." Then Dan asks if he's told Casey about his New York renaissance and Casey says he has, "A lot." Natalie comes in with tapes of last night's show. She asks, "What's up?" Dan says, "Grissom's free on bail, Casey slept in the office, and I am having a New York renaissance." Natalie says "cool" and then tells them the rundown meeting's in five minutes.

Isaac and Dan walking and talking. Isaac says, "I think the show's going to hell in a handbasket and I'm ready to fire the whole bunch of you." He doesn't sound like he's entirely joking. Actually, he doesn't sound like he's joking at all. Dana, instead of promising to get everybody back on track, tells Isaac he won't fire them, because they're like a family here and she's very much like a daughter to him. He corrects her: "This is a television show here and you're very much like an employee to me." Dana says Casey needs to be given some slack. I think Casey needs a smack. Or maybe he needs some smack. Isaac wants to know why, and Dana hesitates. Isaac says if she can't tell him why, he can't tell the network. She stutters a bit, so Isaac asks if there's something going on between the two of them. She says, "Absolutely not, but the bulk of the next forty-odd episodes until we're cancelled will revolve around that very question." Well, no. But she says Casey's having some personal problems. Isaac spazzes a little here and says he knows all about Casey's problems and the network knows all about Casey's problems and therefore they're becoming Isaac's problems and blah blah blah. They enter the meeting room.

In the meeting room, Dan is still going on about his New York renaissance and how he's lived in New York his whole life, so he should be sick of it, but he's not. Fascinating. You'd think he'd be sick of the sound of his own voice, too, but apparently he isn't. Casey tells him that "nobody cares," in a manner that is obviously supposed to be Grouchy Asshole Casey, but I agree with Casey here. Isaac wants to know how to avoid these Helsinki mishaps in the future. The answer is "by not being a bunch of idiots," but Dana blames it on being shorthanded since "Phil and Michael" left. She says Natalie has been interviewing people for an associate producer position, and Dana's meeting the finalist this afternoon. Natalie then says, "You guys, he is so totally cute and intense, with a dark mystery about him that says, 'this is not a technician, this is an artist.'" Oh, good lord. You know, Natalie, since your boss and her boss and the network representative are present, and since your boss blamed the problem on being shorthanded, you might want to pretend you picked this guy based on competency, not on how badly you want to jump him. I'm just saying. Furthermore, since you are presumably older than thirteen, please don't open any more statements with, "You guys, he is so totally cute," especially not during a work meeting. I mean, really. Everybody gives Natalie funny looks. Not because of her unprofessionalism, but because of her "this is an artist" comment. Isaac growls at her to make sure the guy can find Helsinki on a map. Cut to a shot of Elliot weeping in the corner because his Web-surfing expertise is not valued very highly.

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Sports Night

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