All right. Here goes. Dana starts by saying that Jeremy has an impressive résumé. And as the three of them sit down, Natalie tells Jeremy he looks nervous and offers to get him a drink, like water or a soda, et cetera. Jeremy declines, but Dana says as long as Natalie's taking orders, she'll have some angel-hair pasta and a nice Merlot. Hey, that's it! I should be drinking! Ah, sweet alcohol numbs the pain. Dana and Natalie start to bicker in that over-exaggerated-as-a-concession-to-sitcomminess style I mentioned earlier. Jeremy offers to come back later, which immediately puts Dana and Natalie back on track, and the Three Stooges sit down again. Dana asks Jeremy what his favourite sport is. He says football, so she decides to quiz him on basketball. "Shot of bourbon?" offers Natalie, like, she's already trying to get Jeremy drunk during his interview, for God's sake. Dana tells Jeremy to name three things the Knicks need to do to make it to the finals. Jeremy would like another question, but Dana wants an answer to this one first. Jeremy looks like he's going to explode -- he's breathing heavily, and he starts by saying, "Miss Whitaker, I would be great at this job, I've been training my whole life for it." Here we go -- here's the speech that makes my stomach clench up with the unnecessary laugh track absolutely slathered on like tomatoes on good bruschetta. Jeremy gets up, gets louder with each sentence, and the laugh track builds as well as Jeremy talks about how he was the equipment manager for all his high school teams, he's read every box score in every English-language newspaper, and he's watched Sports Night every day since it first went on the air. He nails the show's longevity to the day: two years, two months and a week ago today. He's pointing and flailing and he looks insane. I've strapped two bottles of Merlot to my foam dome and I'm going to suck it back until I sweat purple.
Natalie looks enraptured; Dana looks strangely nonplused. Both should display a degree of fear akin to that of the first movie audiences to see The Exorcist. As you might guess, Jeremy sprinkles some Knicks insights into his tirade, and the unholy marriage of Sports Night and canned laughter is consummated as Jeremy yells, "But if you're looking for genuinely sophisticated analyses, and I SENSE THAT YOU ARE," and here the laugh track just erupts and Jeremy pauses. How unbelievably frustrating it must have been for Jeremy to be told to pause here, because later they're going to dub in fake wild yelling and applauding. Not as irritating for me to have to watch it several fucking times for the recap, though. Sorry, Sars. ["I feel you, dude." -- Sars] Jeremy calms down and asks for more time, sits back down, and the "audience" applauds.