Reader mailbags are a great way for viewers to feel like they're part of a show; it's an opportunity for the anchors to connect with their audience, which is why its shabby treatment on Sports Night is all the more distressing. A reader asks who would win if the 1927 Yankees played the 1998 Yankees in the World Series. Casey mocks the person who submitted the question and points out that the World Series is contested by two teams alive at the same time. But, pressed for an answer, he figures the '27 Yankees would be confused by the jet planes flying overhead. Then he does that biting-his-lower-lip-to-suppress-a-smirk thing that he does when he thinks he's gotten off a good one. I mean, if his goal is to get thousands of viewers to say "fuck you" and switch to another sports show, then this segment was probably a huge success. Dan takes the show to commercial and then starts asking Casey, "Do you understand?" a whole bunch of times and Casey says "no" and "no" and then "yes" -- but he's lying. "Can I spread it out for you in a nutshell?" asks Danny, and Casey says no because he's tired of Danny mixing his metaphors. "'Spread it out for you in a nutshell'? How ya' doin', I'm a professional writer," says Casey mockingly. He's one to talk. Were those even metaphors Dan was using? Figures of speech, for sure, but full-on metaphors? So maybe Danny's guilty of a malapropism, nothing more. But now he's pissed at Casey being such a jackass, so he does that thing that always cracks me up where you point to someone's tie and pretend there's a spot on it, and then when they look down, you give them a little poke. I love that.
In the control room, Dana's looking for tape of the end of the Michigan game. Jeremy says they're still waiting for the end of the Michigan game to be played. Then someone mentions Denver, and Jeremy says it was 66 degrees in Denver today. "Tell me quickly why I care," says Dana. Jeremy remembers that discretion is the better part of valour, so he just says, "No earthly reason." This scene had no point other than to set up a running "joke" for the show, namely Jeremy's weather geekiness. So you know we're hurting for jokes over here. I think I'll just award this episode a D right now and get it over with.
Back at the desk, Casey still doesn't understand what Dan's saying, so Dan gets to repeat his stupid line about spreading it out in a nutshell. Dan starts trying to tell a story, but Casey keeps interrupting with dumb questions, angering Dan, who says he'll tell Casey the things he needs to know. Casey says something about how his ex-wife said that once and now she has half his stuff. Haven't I warned Casey before about ripping off Lenny Briscoe's shtick? Anyway, Dan met this girl in the elevator at work. "Did you make a pass at her?" interrupts Casey. Dan gets mad at him for interrupting again, and then busts on Casey because Danny doesn't think anybody even says "make a pass" anymore. "I just did," points out Casey. He's right, I suppose. Dan can't argue with that, and then he says he didn't make a pass at her and asks if Casey knows why. "Because you're not that guy?" suggests Casey. Dan confirms that he is indeed not that guy. I wish either one of them were that guy who knows how to get to the point quickly. You know how, when you were a kid, your older brother would grab your arm and make you hit yourself with it? And he'd say, "Stop hitting yourself. Why are you hitting yourself?" over and over again as he'd beat you senseless? That's kind of what this is like. Well, except that I was the eldest so I used to do that to my little brother. But this scene is kind of how I imagine that must have been like for him. So I'd just like to say I'm sorry, Patrick.