Dana continues over-explaining that she felt strange before talking to Gordon, and now she doesn't feel strange. How nice for her; I am getting queasier by the moment. Then Dana admits that she does still feel strange, and looks to Natalie for reasons why. Luckily for us all, Natalie has a theory. But -- what's this? Dana gets suspicious and says she doesn't want to hear it, but it's too late: Natalie's theory is that Dana doesn't like Gordon. Dana sarcastically pretends to consider this, then says Natalie is totally wrong. Shit, if disliking Gordon is wrong, I don't want to be right. Natalie tries to persuade Dana to be honest by pointing out that it's just the two of them talking, their own little coven of women. Dana doesn't feel so looped over the whole Gordon thing that she can't take the time to correct Natalie's pronunciation of the word "coven." Then again, it was pretty egregious. Natalie says, "Well, thank you, Sars." Hee! No, she says, "Well, thank you, William Safire." Dana denies that she doesn't like Gordon, saying that she in fact loves Gordon. Natalie says when Dana uses that word in a romantic context, she has no idea what she's talking about. For the first time in what seems like years, Dana shuts up. Quietly they go back to work, in the silence that ensues when someone tells a friend a hard truth. Eventually, Dana says that was a lousy thing to say about Gordon. Natalie points out that she didn't say it about Gordon, she said it about Dana. Dana pretends to try to work again, then says she's going to call Gordon again. A little pissed off now, Natalie expresses mock surprise. Dana asks her for some privacy, and Natalie says she's going to get some Fritos. What? Fritos? She asks if Dana wants any. Dana says she's fine. On her way out, Natalie says she'll be the judge of that. "Apparently you will," says Dana.
Outside, Natalie walks over to Jeremy and wearily starts in on how thankful she is to be dating such a mature guy. He smiles and nods, and doesn't say a word. She stares at him for a few moments, then tells him to swallow the eggnog. "I just can't," he says, and as he opens his mouth, the eggnog spills down his shirt. Wah wah! Commercials.
The TCs have not moved. At all. And now, for some reason, Kim starts going on about Salarino and Salanio from The Merchant of Venice, who brought news of Antonio and Shylock. And Sorkin is so starved for dialogue that he actually makes Kim ask each of the other TCs in turn if they remember Salarino and Salanio, the venticelli ("little winds"). And since this is the most culturally well-rounded sports crew ever, they all do (well, except for Elliot). Dave says, "Man, this is about as bored as I have ever been in my life." So can someone explain why the audience should be interested? Jeremy strolls up. Kim stands up and says, "Jeremy, good Jeremy, what ho?" and of course Jeremy's all "'what ho'?" and Kim says, "What news?" After a quick, strangely unquestioned explanation about the Merchant tie-in, Jeremy fills them in about Dana and Casey and Gordon and Danny and everything else that's going on. He does a pretty good job of recapping. I mean, he's no Aaron, but let's face it, even Aaron hasn't been himself since Jagr was traded to the Capitals. After Jeremy is done, Dave doesn't look any less bored. He asks if it would be wrong if Sports Night just made up stories. Elliot says it would indeed. That's true, but I don't think anyone would have objected if Sorkin had made up a damn story for this episode of Sports Night.