Sports Night
Shane

Episode Report Card
Daniel: B | 3 USERS: A
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Shane

Casey does his best at damage control and explains about Shane giving him a break. "I can see you're upset because I went over your head." "Well, you never know with me, do you, Casey? One day I'm up, one day I'm down." Man, they fight like a couple, they might as well date. Wait, maybe I shouldn't say anything. The Dating Plan hasn't been mentioned once this episode, I shouldn't jinx that. Or jinks it, even. Casey starts to get a little ticked. "First of all...sorry about that. Second of all, he's a good guy. He gave me my start and I owe him one." They're in the newsroom now. Dana says it's sweet that he's that loyal, it says a lot about him. Yeah, and so does his willingness to compromise his ethics. But Dana's not done: "It's almost hard to choke back the tears while I say no!" and walks away. Casey wants to argue further, but Dana chooses to address the newsroom so she can announce that Casey's "adolescent and pathetic hero-worship of professional athletes has reached the point where he's willing to compromise journalistic integrity." "Like we're Edward R. Murrow," says Casey, but I'm not sure if he meant sports journalists in general or Sports Night in particular. Doesn't really matter, I guess. Either way, it's a pretty sad retort. Dana says McArnold just signed a $91 million contract, she's pretty sure he'll get over it. "Yeah. He makes a lot more money than we do, so let's look for every opportunity to blow him out of the water," says Casey sarcastically. Hey, Casey, ever hear of comforting the afflicted and afflicting the comfortable? Dana points out that Shane knew he was being recorded for broadcast. "Tell me how we're blowing him out of the water," she says. "It's just not necessary," says Casey. "Neither is sports," says Dana, and tells him not to go to Isaac behind her back again. I thought it was over her head. Casey realizes he can't win, so the scene ends.

Wait a minute. "Nuttier than a squirrel's cheeks in October"? Is Casey writing for the Farmer's Almanac or something?

Danny is pacing outside Abby's office door, which has a little sign that says, "Session in progress." He presses his ear to the door. Then he knocks. Abby flings open the door, looking angry. "Danny," she says. Dan says he's sorry but he's having a problem. "So's my patient, Danny, so I'll talk to you later," and starts to close the door, but the patient recognizes Danny and says he loves the show. You'd think that would solve Dan's problem, but it doesn't. Dan says, "I'm sorry, but you weren't in the middle of a breakthrough or anything, were you?" "Hey!" says Abby. "You need a minute?" says the patient. "You're the best," says Dan, and the guy grabs his coat and walks into the waiting room. Abby is furious and calls what he did absolutely off-the-charts out of line. Dan frantically tells her it's an emergency. "I can't say 'Yevgeny Kafelnikov.'" "What?" says Abby, understandably confused. Dan explains how he was doing a teaser but kept messing up Kafelnikov's name. His tone of voice is usually reserved for patients who tell their doctor they've found a lump, so Abby's a little ticked that he interrupted her session for this. "I need to know why!" says Danny. "How the hell should I know?" she says, like give the guy a break, maybe when Dan was a kid Kafelnikov killed his dog or something. "Enough of this already, just fix me, would you?" "Fix you?" sputters Abby. "Okay." She flicks her hands in his face. "All done." Heh. I like Abby. Dan, a little calmer, says, "Okay, I don't think you did anything just then." Abby informs him that of all the problems Dan has, "and they are myriad," not being able to pronounce "Yevgeny Kafelnikov" isn't one of them. Dan wants to know why then he can't do it. "It's a hard name to pronounce," says Abby and points out that this is really unfair to her client. "Look, something is going wrong with me [really?] and I know you can fix it and frankly, and I'm sorry if this is abrupt, but I think the only reason you're stringing me around like this is that you're afraid if I get over this, I won't have a reason to see you." Wow. Remind me to try that line if I ever have a hot therapist. "Danny, you're in pain, and it doesn't take a genius to see that." Dan oddly insists he's perfectly fine.

Abby starts running through some true/false statements. True or false: Dan's only really comfortable with people when he's talking to them on television. Dan says it's untrue, Abby moves on. True or false: Dan feels responsible for his brother's death. Dan doesn't answer that one. True or false: Dan's convinced his parents blame him as well. Dan stops protesting and looks at Abby. "This is starting to get a little personal, Abby." Um, it's therapy, Dan. Abby says, "Fine, go back to work," and walks over to the door. Dan sits down as the poignant music swells. He buries his face in his hands. "Why is this happening now?" he says. "I don't know," says Abby. "You do know," says Dan. "I honestly don't," says Abby, but she says a lot of things could have triggered it: seeing a picture, hearing a song, missing a birthday. Whatever the reason, she suggest it just might be time for Dan's mind to deal with it. "Now, does this sound like something I could just fix with a prescription?" "So what do I do?" asks Dan. "You get therapy. For real." "With you?" "If you like," says Abby, who looks a little less than enthused at that. "The thing is, there may be a problem there." "You have a crush on me," says Dr. Conceited, but Dan admits it. "That's natural," she says. "I guess, 'cause you're the healer and you're playing the role of confessor as well," says Dan. "I meant 'cause I'm a babe." If I ever have a self-image problem, I'm going straight to Dr. Babe here. "You're going to be fine," she says. "Doesn't feel that way," he says. "I know. Have a good show," says Dr. Babe, and walks over to the door. Dan walks out into the office and thanks Abby's previous client, who says, "I love watching you on television," and goes back into Abby's office. Dan thinks for a moment, no doubt wondering why, if he wasn't really in therapy before, what all that interrogation in the bar before about "Hit-and-Run Danny" was for.

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